Quotes from Lois Greiman

Marriage is like a toothbrush. It starts out smooth and gets kind of prickly towards the end.

Just remember this, Missy, escargot ain't nothin' but snails with their noses stuck in the air.

Taxes for people with too much damned time on their hands.

They say love makes the world go around… I been dizzy for a long time.

Beauty is only skin deep, but who gives a shit what's under their skin anyway?

Friends are nice. You can tell' 'em stuff, but you can swear like a gangster at an enemy. And that's all right, too.

Expect stupid. It's everywhere.

Opportunity may only knock once, but temptation'll knock down the damn door and drag you out by the hair.

Chocolate may be cheaper than a psychiatrist, but the latter doesn't generally adhere to your ass for the rest of your natural life.

Maybe in fairytales you're only as old as you feel, but here in L. A. you're every second as old as your pores.

The trouble with insanity is it can flare up at the most inconvenient moments.

If I want to catch the damn worm I get outta bed.

Love may be blind, but lust is just damn stupid.

If men were necessary in the procreation process, they'd have gone the way of the dodo bird long ago.

A pigs and pain, until you really get to know 'em. Then he's a paid with the soul.

You don't need to be smarter; you just need dumber friends.

Analyzing dreams is much like walking on water. There are a limited number of people who do it well.

Maybe knowledge is power, but it ain't nearly as as satisfying as punching some smart ass in the chops.

I don't care what Cosmo says about exercise improving sex. Some things aren't worth the cost.

Lust and love. They both put a fire in your damn shorts.

Men are like beer. Some are bold and some are smooth. But every damn one of 'em has a big-ass head full of air.

False hope is better than no hope at all.

Celibacy sucks, no pun intended.

I fear that someday you will abandon the joys we share and find another not worthy of your charms.