Quotes from Lois Greiman

All's well so long-as you don't get shot in the hind end with a twenty gauge.

I ain't taking no more rides on the stupid train.

I'm just an everyday kind of hero. If the everyday kind saves babies from burning buildings and looks hotter than hell in bunker gear.

It's not who you know, it's who you sleep with.

Sometimes stupid is crime enough.

You can't choose your family. Can't shoot 'em either.

I don't trust nobody that don't have my name tattooed on her ass, and then it's iffy.

A woman needs a man like a tuba needs a cucumber.

There are lots of fish in the sea. Some are sharks, some are angels, and some are bottom feeders.

A friend is someone who will bike to the ice cream shop with you, even when you don't look so good.

When blondes have more fun, do they know it?

When men age they're called sophisticated. When women age they ain't called at all.

Excuses are like butt holes everyone has 'em and they all stink.

If money don't buy happiness, what the hell does?

Honest friends is kinda nice, but it's hard to beat a big-ass lie and a six-pack of brewskies.

Love is like skydiving without a parachute.

Maybe curiosity did kill your cat. But it wouldn't hurt to keep an eye on the neighbor's rottweiler just the same.

Don't worry. It's scientifically unlikely that the universe will explode into a million particles at any given moment.

There is none so troubled as one who thinks himself perfectly sane.

Life is what you make it. Unless some guy finds you with his girl. Then the ball's pretty much in his court.

Maybe money can't buy happiness, but it can get you a nice little villa in Tuscany, and that's close enough for me.

Marriage: just say no.

Luck is merely a product of the happily delusional mind.

Solberg; nature's greatest argument against cloning.