Quotes from Gavin de Becker

Cuando aceptamos que la violencia la comete gente que mira y actúa como el resto de nosotros, silenciamos la voz de la negación, la voz que susurra: "Este tipo no parece un asesino".

Context is the necessary link that gives meaning to everything we observe.

Those who fear public speaking actually fear the loss of identity that attaches to performing badly, and that is firmly rooted in our survival needs.

As adults, without our identity as a member of the tribe or village, community or culture, a likely outcome is banishment and death.

Worry is a way to avoid admitting powerlessness over something, since worry feels like we're doing something. (Prayer also makes us feel like we're doing something, and even the most committed agnostic will admit that prayer is more productive than worry.)

A rock pile ceases to be a rock pile the moment a single man contemplates it, bearing within him the image of a cathedral." —Antoine De Saint-Exupery

Conditional rejections are not rejections - they are discussions.

A threat is a statement of an intention to do some harm, period. It offers no conditions, no alternatives, no ways out. It does not contain the words if, or else, until, unless. Sentences that do contain those words are not threats; they are intimidations, and there is an important distinction.

if you cannot imagine something, you also cannot predict it, nor protect against it.

1) When you feel fear, listen. 2) When you don't feel fear, don't manufacture it. 3) If you find yourself creating worry, explore and discover why.

We all see the signals because there is a universal code of violence. You'll find some of you need to break that code in the following chapters, but most of it is in you.

Many believe the process of creativity is one of assembling thoughts and concepts but highly creative people will tell you the song, the image was "in" them and they're task was to get it out, a process of discovery, not design. This said most artfully by Michael Angelo on how he created his most famous statue of David, he said, "It's easy. You just chip away the stone that doesn't look like David.

Professor Rowe brings into focus the great internal conflict for such people, explaining that they "certainly do not want to lose, but may also be unable to stand winning, in the conventional way, since that would mean the fight is over.

So here we are, traveling along faster than anyone before the 1900's ever traveled (unless they were falling off a cliff), dodging giant, high-momentum steel missiles, judging the intent of their operators with a fantastic accuracy, and then saying we can't predict human behavior.

When people are telling the truth, they don't feel doubted, so they don't feel the need for additional support in the form of details. When people lie, however, even if what they say sounds credible to you, it doesn't sound credible to them, so they keep talking. Each

The Bulletproof Mind

we recognize all things by the existence of their opposite—day as distinguishable from night, failure from success, peace from war." We could add "safety from hazard." When

Thus, it is the listener and not the speaker who decides how powerful a threat will be.

Women, particularly in big cities, live with a constant wariness. Their lives are literally on the line in ways men just don't experience. Ask some man you know, "When is the last time you were concerned or afraid that another person would harm you?" Many men cannot recall an incident within years. Ask a woman the same question and most will give you a recent example or say, "Last night," "Today," or even "Every day." Still

And why do we worship hindsight (as in the news media's constant rehash of the day, the week, the year) and yet distrust foresight, which actually might make a difference in our lives? One

I spent half my childhood and half my adulthood practicing prediction while perfecting denial.

Most human predators, however, seek power, not food. To destroy or damage something is to take its power.

The way circus elephants are trained demonstrates this dynamic well: When young, they are attached by heavy chains to large stakes driven deep into the ground. They pull and yank and strain and struggle, but the

I suggest that women never explain why they don't want a relationship but simply make clear that they have thought it over, that this is their decision, and that they expect the man to respect it. Why would a woman explain intimate aspects of her life, plans, and romantic choices to someone she doesn't want a relationship with?