Quotes from Gavin de Becker

promises offer no such collateral. They are the very hollowest instruments of speech, showing nothing more than the speaker's desire to convince you of something.

Often, the very fact that you are worrying about something means that it isn't likely to happen.

Tell me about a failure in your life and tell me why it occurred." Does the applicant say he cannot think of one? If he can describe something he perceives as a failure, does he take responsibility for it or does he blame others (e.g., "I never graduated high school because those damned teachers didn't know how to motivate me")?

What are some of the things your last employer could have done to be more successful? Does the applicant offer a long list of items and appear to feel he could have run things better than management did? Are his comments constructive or angry? There is a follow-up:

Here is a list of the PINS: Alcohol and drug abuse; Addiction to media products; Aimlessness; Fascination with weapons and violence; Experience with guns; Access to guns; Sullen, Angry, Depressed (SAD); Seeking status and worth through violence; Threats (of violence or suicide); Chronic anger; Rejection/humiliation; Media provocation.

women visit emergency rooms for injuries caused by their husbands or boyfriends more often than for injuries from car accidents, robberies and rapes combined. Our

The mind of the beginner is empty, free of the habits of the expert, ready to accept, to doubt, and open to all the possibilities.

You never do anything about him. You talk to him and then you leave." —Nicole Brown Simpson to police

We rely upon the woman herself to plan a course of action. Anyone, in or out of the system, who tells a woman she must follow a particular course that goes against her own judgment and intuition is not only failing to use the philosophy of empowerment, but may well be endangering the woman.

Being beaten by a "loved one" sets up a conflict between two instincts that should never compete: the instinct to stay in a secure environment (the family) and the instinct to flee a dangerous environment. As if on a see-saw, the instinct to stay prevails in the absence of concrete options on the other side. Getting that lop-sided see-saw off the ground takes more energy than many victims have.

It's important to clarify that forced teaming, too many details, charm, niceness, typecasting and loan sharking are all in daily use by people who have no sinister intent. You might have already recognized several of these strategies as those commonly used by men who want little more than an opportunity to engage a woman in conversation.

True fear is a gift that signals us in the presence of danger; thus, it will be based upon something you perceive in your environment or your circumstance. Unwarranted fear or worry will always be based upon something in your imagination or your memory.

Intuition is a gift we all have, whereas retention of knowledge is a skill.

Worry is the fear we manufacture—it is not authentic. If

My ghosts had become my teachers.

Anger is a very seductive emotion because it is profoundly energizing and exhilarating.

building prisons is our number one social program for young men

Zen master, Shunryu Suzuki said, "The mind of the beginner is empty, free of the habits of the expert, ready to accept, to doubt, and open to all the possibilities." People enjoying so-called beginner's luck prove this all the time.

No matter what their choice of music, in the lives of too many teenagers, recognition is more meaningful than accomplishment

It's obvious that we need inexpensive and safe care for young Americans; this was clear to Congress nearly thirty years ago when it passed the Child Development Act of 1971. This act would have created a national network of child-care centers with parent fees set according to income. Here's why I say would have: Though busy with the Watergate scandal and the impending loss of his job, President Nixon somehow found time to veto the Child Development Act.

Don't think of persuasion as something someone does to us; persuasion is an internal process, not an external one. We persuade ourselves. A predator merely manipulates how things seem to us.

Whether or not men can relate to it or believe it or accept it, that is the way it is. Women, particularly in big cities, live with a constant wariness. Their lives are literally on the line in ways men just don't experience.

Forced teaming is an effective way to establish premature trust because a we're-in-the-same-boat attitude is hard to rebuff without feeling rude. Sharing a predicament, like being stuck in a stalled elevator or arriving simultaneously at a just-closed store will understandably move people around social boundaries. But forced teaming is not about coincidence; it is intentional and directed, and it is one of the most sophisticated manipulations.

Ernest Becker writes, "The urge to heroism is natural, and to admit it honest. For everyone to admit it would probably release such pent-up force as to be devastating to society." Well