Quotes About Humor

It's certainly hard to find fault with a work that quotes Shakespeare, Homer, and a dirty limerick about "the young man from Oswego.

Humour is the weapon of unarmed people: it helps people who are oppressed to smile at the situation that pains them.

One woman even disparaged Johnson for failing to include obscenities. "No, Madam, I hope I have not daubed my fingers," he replied, archly. "I find, however, that you have been looking for them.

Fifty percent of all doctors graduate in the bottom half of their class - Hope your surgery went well!

Please, amigo. We need you, Kimosabe, O Mighty Powerful One. We need you more than the earth rises in the west." The sun rises in the east, dickhead." Only if you're standing on the earth. If you're on the moon, the earth rises in the west.

La cucaracha, La cucaracha, Ya no puede caminar, porque no tiene, porque le falta, I don't know the rest, la la la la!

Next time I want to do something nice, slap me.

Dont ruin my balls!" She laughs as the words leave her mouth. Better yours than mine, chica." I toss the dough balls at her, one by one, until I've got none left.

What is this?' 'A Smart Car' It looked like an SUV took a dump and out came the Smart Car

Did we kiss last night?" "Yes." "Well, it wasn't memorable because I have no recollection of it." He laughs. "I was kiddin'. We didn't kiss." He leans in. "When we kiss you'll remember it.Forever.

Dios mio, I think my brother lost his balls somewhere between here and Mexico. Or maybe Brittany has them zipped inside that fancy purse (of hers).

Daddy, What's the horizontal tango?

And my piece of advice is...don't flirt with any of the female instructors. They all have access to weapons bigger than yours.

personal torture instructor...I mean physical therapist.

Then what sport do you play?" Carlos puts down his food. Oh, no. He's got a rebellious gleam in his eye as he says, "The horizontal tango." ------------------------------------------- "Dancing really isn't a sport," Brandon tells Carlos, oblivious to the shock at the rest of the table. "It is when I do it," Carlos says. ------------------------------------------- Brandon turns to my dad with big, innocent eyes. "Daddy, do YOU know how to do the horizontal tango?

Nothin'," Alex says. "We'll talk later, chica. It's not a big deal." "Don't chica me, Alex," his bride snaps. "I think she's gonna deck him," Ben murmurs, amused.

Tuck holds out his hand. "By the way, I don't think we've been formally introduced. I'm Tuck. You know, rhymes with luck." "And fuck," Carlos adds. "Yep, that, too," Tuck says unfazed.

There's been something nagging at me all day. As long as I'm here with him, I might as well ask. "Did we kiss last night?" "Yes." "Well, it wasn't memorable because I have no recollection of it." He laughs. "I was kiddin'. We didn't kiss." He leans in. "When we kiss you'll remember it. Forever.

I flip open my phone to text Jessica: Me: Guess who's pregnant? Jess: u? Me: Get real. Jess: ur mom? Me: yep Jess: Mazel tov!? Me: Don't congratulate me, plz Jess: Could b worse Me: How? Jess: Could be u? Me: I'm a virgin. Jess: Nobody's perfect.

Carlos, are we in complete understanding with each other?" "Yeah," I say. "As long as it's not in your house and you don't know about it, you're okay with us messin' around." "I know you're joking with me. You are joking with me, aren't you?" "Maybe.

Alex probably brings his dates sharp knives as gifts, in case she'll need one when she's out on a date with him.

That wouldn't fit my right testicle

Say something, Amy," Miranda insists. "Something positive. I'm sure it'll make you feel better." "Okay, Miranda. I've got it." I motion the girls to lean in close to hear my words. "At least I'm not dead." How's that for positivity? I have to admit it does make me feel better.

Paco!" she announces loudly. "Yeah, I'm talkin' to you," Elena says, pointing to Paco talking to a bunch of girls. "Next time you want to take a dump, do it in someone else's house.