Quotes About Humor

You know what your problem is?" I ask him. "Yes. I have a daughter who insists she knows everything." "That's not your problem, Aba. That's your blessing.

Choking the gopher. What'd you think I'd do, my homework?

Brandon turns to my dad with big, innocent eyes. "Daddy, do you know how to do the horizontal tango?

His high school girlfriend. I caught them in the act." "You caught them having sex at Homestyle Buffet?" Carlos chimes in, confused and maybe a little amused.

Est-ce que nous nous sommes embrassés, hier soir ? - Oui. - Eh bien, ça n'avait rien de mémorable, je ne m'en rappelle absolument pas. Alex éclate de rire. - Je rigole. Non, on ne s'est pas embrassés. Quand on le fera, tu t'en rappelleras. Toujours.

Elena opens the door and yanks me through the house, stopping only when we reach the backyard. She lets me go only to grab the microphone from the lead singer. "Paco!" she announces loudly. "Yeah, I'm talkin' to you," Elena says, pointing to Paco talking to a bunch of girls. "Next time you want to take a dump, do it in someone else's house." Paco's entourage of girls backs up and giggles, leaving him alone.

Wasabi. Now hoiteys. Seriously, you'd think I really didn't know English.

What is this?" "A Smart Car." It looks like an SUV took a dump and out came the Smart Car. I wouldn't be surprised if Westford had said it was one of those toy cars that kids drive around.

There are two insults no human being will endure: that he has no sense of humor, and that he has never known trouble.

There are two insults no human being will endure that he has no sense of humor, and that the has never known trouble.

There are two insults no human will endure. The assertion that he has no sense of humor and the doubly impertinent assertion that he has never known trouble.

The Senator was vulgar, almost illiterate, a public liar easily detected, and in his "ideas" almost idiotic, while his celebrated piety was that of a traveling salesman for church furniture, and his yet more celebrated humor the sly cynicism of a country store. Certainly there was nothing exhilarating in the actual words of his speeches, nor anything convincing in his philosophy. His political platforms were only wings of a windmill.

There are two insults which no human being will endure: The assertion that he hasn't a sense of humor, and the doubly impertinent assertion that he has never known trouble.

When friends asked how he was coping with his spectacular loss, he would say, 'I sleep like a baby – I wake up every ten minutes screaming!' He was advised on health grounds to take a holiday, so he went to his home in Ibiza and ran regularly on the beach. 'Someone asked me later how much I had lost. I said, "$300 million and 20lbs.

I was a modest, good-humoured boy. It is Oxford that has made me insufferable.

Strange, when you come to think of it, that of all the countless folk who have lived before our time on this planet not one is known in history or in legend as having died of laughter.

My way of joking is to tell the truth. It's the funniest joke in the world.

I wish I loved the human race;I wish I loved its silly face;I wish I liked the way it walks;I wish I liked the way it talks;And when I'm introduced to oneI wish I thought, What jolly fun!

He led his regiment from behind—He found it less exciting.

On a tree by a river a little tomtitSang "Willow, titwillow, titwillow!"And I said to him, "Dicky-bird, why do you sitSinging 'Willow, titwillow, titwillow!'"Is it weakness of intellect, birdie?" I cried,"Or a rather tough worm in your little inside?"With a shake of his poor little head he replied,"Oh, willow, titwillow, titwillow!"

The world has joked incessantly for over fifty centuries.And every joke that's possible has long ago been made.

I seized him by his little pig-tail,And on his knees fell he,As he squirmed and struggled,And gurgled and guggled,I drew my snickersnee!

Darwinian man, though well-behaved, at best is only a monkey shaved.

When all is done, human life is, at the greatest and the best, but like a froward child, that must be played with and humored a little to keep it quiet till it falls asleep, and then the care is over.