Quotes About Humor

In retrospect, it was only a matter of time before the Family Dinner passed into history and fast foods took over. I knew its days were numbered the day our youngest propped my mouth open with a fork and yelled into it, "I want a cheeseburger and two fries and get it right this time." I just didn't serve meals with show business pizzazz.

I've exercised with women so thin, buzzards followed them to their cars.

In two decades I've lost a total of 789 pounds. I should be hanging from a charm bracelet.

Maybe age is kinder to us than we think. With my bad eyes, I can't see how bad I look, and with my rotten memory, I have a good excuse for getting out of a lot of stuff.

I've got to bring out the big ammunition on sex education. The bra and girdle section of Sears just isn't doing it.

When the lawnmower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me.

Got 'ny sense! See here, bub, does your mother know you're out?

I try to bring it across on my record, in my dress, in what I do and what I say because to me humor is important. You should have a dose of that and I guess giving it is what I'm here for.

To a man like Roger Barlow, the whole world just seemed to be a complicated joke … everything was always up for grabs, capable of dispute; and religion, laws, principle, custom – these were nothing but sticks from the wayside to support our faltering steps.

Humor is the politeness of despair.

Il était presque toujours de bonne humeur, le reste du temps il dormait.

At the best, sarcasms, bitter irony, scathing wit, are a sort of sword-play of the mind. You pink your adversary and he is forthwith dead: and then you deserve to be hung for it.

Satire is an abuse of wit. It corrects few evils.

Wit is better as a seasoning than as a whole dish by itself.

We take life too seriously: the office of wit is to correct this tendency.

By his provocations to good-natured merriment, a humorist of the first water contributes as much to the sum of happiness as the gravest philosopher.

Sorrow is never more sorrowful than when it jests at its own misery.

Wit never appears to greater advantage than when it is successfully exerted to relieve from a dilemma, palliate a deficiency, or cover a retreat.

Humor is healing.

The compleat gentleman's rectitude does not prohibit him from having a sense of humor. His Stoic sense of life and his urbane education ought to give him wit.

weekend at bernie's is not a realistic movie

Being married means I can break wind and eat ice cream in bed.

We should have a way of telling people they have bad breath without hurting their feelings. "Well, I'm bored. Let's go brush our teeth." Or, "I've got to make a phone call. Hold this gum in your mouth."

We would trust Jeff to take them to movies," Jackie Bezos says, "but the two of them would come back embarrassed, saying, 'Jeff laughs too loud.' It would be some Disney movie, and his laughter was drowning out everything." After