Quotes About Humor

My father told me all about the birds and the bees, the liar - I went steady with a woodpecker till I was twenty-one.

I love to go to Washington - if only to be near my money.

I have too much money invested in sweaters.

If I'm on the course and lightning starts, I get inside fast. If God wants to play through, let him.

I'll shoot my age if I have to live to be 105.

Middle age is when your age starts to show around the middle.

You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.

I have seen what a laugh can do. It can transform almost unbearable tears into something bearable, even hopeful.

I grew up with six brothers. That's how I learned how to dance- waiting for the bathroom.

A James Cagney love scene is one where he lets the other guy live.

Over the years, I have been subjected to many indignities, all for the sake of Art. If I ever catch him, I'm going to kill the guy.

A sense of humor is good for you. Have you ever heard of a laughing hyena with heart burn?

I do benefits for all religions. I'd hate to blow the hereafter on a technicality.

I made so many B pictures I began to get fan mail from hornets...and for me that was an improvement.

I realised one day that men are emotional cripples. We can't express ourselves emotionally, we can only do it with anger and humour. Emotional stability and expression comes from women.

The lady at the bank asked, "What do you want on your checks: wildlife, scenery?" I said, "I want a picture of a big, thick-necked guy on my checks. What's that? A bouncer, that's what my checks are going to be."

Still, I'll be laughing like a clown

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did–in his sleep. Not yelling and screaming like the passengers in his car.

I don't know how many sacred cows there are today. I think there's a little confusion between humor and gross passing for humor. That's kind of regrettable.

I think one reason for a successful marriage is laughter. I think laughter gets you through the rough moments in a marriage.

Laughter gives us distance. It allows us to step back from an event, deal with it and then move on.

There are a lot of questions I keep asking myself about why I do comedy. I guess I laugh to keep from crying. And I guess if you ever get me crying, I might not stop. This is the way I look at tragedy or else I'll cry.

I've been married forty-five years. I think laughter is the secret.

A guy walks into a psychologist's convention with a banana in his pocket.When asked about the significance of this he says;well,they were all out of grapes.