Quotes About Humor

Conclusion 2: There's nothing more demonic than two bored twins. ~Signed Tamaki

Tamaki: Spring, m'man, was made for romantic comedy!! And Haruhi and I make the perfect couple! We're meant for this! Karou and Hikaru: What about us? Tamaki: You are sexless!

There's no such thing as soy milk. It's soy juice. But they couldn't sell soy juice, so they called it soy milk. Because anytime you say "soy juice", you actually start to gag.

There are no fights in Ireland, people just get so drunk they go, "GOD***N, YA SONOFABITCH!" and pass out. And there's no Alcoholics Anonymous there, because if there's a meeting, it's always at the bar.

Michael Jackson? That's all I gotta say.... He's become a punchline. He has! Michael Jackson is a punchline. To any joke you want. If you ever forget the punchline to a joke, all you gotta say is 'Michael Jackson.' "Two Jews walk into a bar ... Michael Jackson!" "Why did the chicken cross the road? Michael Jackson!" "So the farmer brings his daughter to the dinner table--Michael Jackson!" It works for f***ing anything!

I told him, 'You can start in the middle and kiss your way thirty-six inches to the right, and then you can go back to the middle and kiss your way thirty-six inches to the left. You can just kiss my big ass.

Well, I enjoy reality as much as the next man. It's just that in my case, fortunately, reality includes a good stiff belt every now and then.

But I think Cybil was my biggest fan. She cut out my articles and hung them in her locker and we were always cracking up how if you wrote the simplest, most obvious thing in the world people thought you were a genius.

Life is ridiculous. It's not our fault.

QUÉ IRONÍA, ¿NO?

Ironía. Debe ser irónica e involucrar emocionalmente al destinatario: presentar una situación dramática que sea como un picor que uno ha de rascarse.

When a Man has Married a Wife He finds out whether Her Knees & elbows are only glued together.

We laughed about a lot of things that we should have taken more seriously. But no matter how serious or dangerous the situation was, we always found something to laugh about later on. It always seemed better to laugh than to cry. We had to laugh to keep from crying.

There are far too many people out there who take themselves too seriously.

I'm probably the sexiest and best in bed. Even if I'm by myself in bed.

I can't *believe* you're a professional golfer! I think you should be working at the snack bar.

Tongue - a variety of meat, rarely served because it clearly crosses the line between a cut of beef and a piece of dead cow.

Chain letters are the postal equivalent of intestinal flu: you get it and pass it along to your friends.

I believe my wife is going to live forever. She has nothing but dresses she wouldn't be caught dead in.

If you're mad at your kid, you can either raise him to be a nose tackle or send him out to play on the freeway. It's about the same.

Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle.

People who throw kisses are mighty hopelessly lazy.

You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.

I was called "Rembrandt" Hope in my boxing days, because I spent so much time on the canvas.