Quotes About Humor

she came to the conclusion that if Aunt Ada was mad, then she, Flora, was one of the Marx Brothers.

Wit lasts no more than two centuries.

If a restaurant offers crayons, I always take them and color throughout the meal. It beats talking to the people I came to dinner with.

I recently forced myself to read a book on quantum physics, just to try and learn something new. I was confused by the middle of the first sentence and it all went downhill from there. The only thing I can remember learning is that a parallel universe can theoretically be contained on the head of a needle. I don't really know what that means, but I am now more careful handling needles.

When I say 'friends,' I use that term loosely, as I don't actually have any.

Perhaps it is a secret yearning of all Hallmark employees to use the phrase 'you big fat pain in the butt' in an anniversary card.

The phrase 'I just turn on my monkey and it makes me feel good' sounds very dirty, but I can't explain why. It's great to try to use expressions like that on the comics page. People want to complain but they can't, because they can't figure out quite what they should be complaining about.

When people bore me, I close my eyes and try to remember the order the Seven Dwarfs marched in. But it's not always the dwarfs I think about. Sometimes aI try to list all of the Canadian provinces.

I seem to be able to get away with pun strips if I add a panel at the end where I somehow indicate that I know it's a bad pun.

Man, I put myself in a lot of comic strips. Something's wrong with my sense of self.

Me no read. Look how smart me is.

Gary Larson: The funniest cartoonist I've ever seen. His two-volume set (The Complete Far Side) should be the textbook in any course taught on how to be funny on the comics page.

One funny image can sometimes save an otherwise mediocre strip. At least that's what I tell myself so I don't feel quite as crappy when I've just wasted four hours drawing and coloring a Sunday strip.

Everyone cites [Charles Schulz], but it's with good reason. He taught me timing, tone, character development, practically everything.

Scott Adams: From him, I learned how to write a three-panel comic. Probably the best pure writer on the comics page.

In memory of the esteemed Frederick Crocus, who's not dead yet, but will be one day.

On the list of things I cannot draw, wedding dresses are right there next to cars.

My wife Staci made me go to a wedding last weekend...If it weren't for her, I'd be happy.

Buckle up. It'd be embarrassing to die in a hearse.

There are a lot of things in the world that are unexplainable - love at first sight, vegetable pizza, and potpourri, for instance. But I doubt your ex's murder is one of them.

Well," Carole said, turning in her seat, "after being fingerprinted and being given a lie detector test, I'll never complain again about going to the gynecologist.

Men! Her mother actually wanted to marry one of these?

Good. Now you don't look dead." Always a plus. "Say cheese, Coma Girl."

Hey, more cash! This woman sent twenty dollars… and a coupon for diapers. Wait—that's a little mean.