Quotes About Humor

Hey. You know what the shark said to the clown?" "No." "You taste funny.

When I had that attack of pleurosis - he asked me what was the matter when I came back. I said pleurosis - he thought that I said Blue Roses! So that's what he always called me after that. Whenever he saw me, he'd holler, Hello, Blue Roses!

I'm quaking in my boots," he deadpanned.

Only because Gregory put a toad in my bed last night," Daphne bit off, "and Benedict's standing has never recovered from the time he beheaded my favorite doll.

Oh, Hugh?" He turned to see her smiling like a cat with cream. "Yes, my love?" "I said I didn't need a ring." He quirked a brow. "I do." She wiggled her fingers. "Need a ring. Just so you know." He threw back his head and laughed.

Robert, plain-spoken man that he was, made no attempt to gloss over the fact that her appearance was not up to her usual standards. "You look as if you've been attacked by dogs

malapropism

It is a good thing I love you so well, ... because otherwise, I should have to fit you with a muzzle.

Mother, you are hopeless" "Certainly not. Shameless, perhaps, but never hopeless.

Light and funny has a more compelling quality when you're younger. But I haven't abandoned the genre: I love falling down I love Lucille Ball. It's just that a lot of those stories revolve around problems that I can't convincingly portray at this age.

Happiness isn't happiness unless there's a violin-playing goat.

Wit is the key, I think, to anybody's heart. Show me the person who doesn't like to laugh and I'll show you a person with a toe tag.

Judging by what I see when I accidentally walk in on them, guys really like masturbating to the Google homepage.

Some woman just said she wishes she could kiss the guy that killed Hitler and I don't know if I should ruin that for her.

Jack made a face. "But can you imagine what it's like when you're six years old and the teacher says 'Liddle, John' at roll call? It took me years to get past the Robin Hood jokes.

Clare}: "I am a very safe driver. And you've never had me drive you anywhere, so you can't say otherwise. Can you?" "I've let you drive me crazy," [Russ] said. The second it was out of his mouth, he felt the tips of his ears go red. God! What an asinine thing to say!

Can you tell me what happened, um..." What was he supposed to call her? "Mother?" "I go by Reverend, Chief. Ms. is fine, too." "Oh. Sorry. I never met a woman priest before." "We're just like the men priests, except we're willing to pull over and ask directions.

Oh. Sorry. I never met a woman priest before." "We're just like the men priests, except we're willing to pull over and ask directions.

I think one of the basic tasks in life - one of the nice things we can do for each other - is to take things that are horrible and scary and make them acceptable and less frightening and, if possible, funny. It feels great to succeed at that.

Because death and illness are the most horrible things in life, of course that's where the most absurdly funny things are going to happen.

Henry Denton: You Brits really don't have a sense of humor do you? Elsie: We do if something's funny, sir.

laughed out loud.

Rain makes applesauce. Oh, you're just talking silly talk!

If you are going to do that, would you mind not jostling the bed so much?' came a sarcastic voice near the head board. 'Perhaps you could roll around on the floor.