Quotes About Humor

Metallic trees. That's new. If you see any steel dryads, be sure to tell me so I can run away screaming.

Oh, we're playing nice now? Shall we have tea first? Brew up a nice pot of kiss-my-ass?

Does Mary Poppins have an orgasm? Does she go to the bathroom? I assure you, she does.

Sometimes I'm so sweet even I can't stand it.

Sometimes I'm so sweet even I can't stand it.

Magnanimous of you.' His mouth twitched. 'Mmm. Use more words like that, please. Schoolmistress words. Long, impressive ones.' He'd made the last three words sound like an innuendo.

Mom's eyes blazed. "Are you sleeping with her?" Oh, god. Did we have to do this here? Now? "Well, actually," I smirked, "we don't get a lot of sleep.

Our eyes met across the crowded room, like in the movies, except we didn't share a knowing smile and race into each other's arms. Instead I fell into the trash can.

I know it's hard on her. If I don't tell her she'll kill me." He pauses. "That was supposed to be funny.

It's actually the fourth,' I say, 'if you count getting fired from CopyMax.' 'Which we do not.' Jo slit-eyes me. She scoops up a handful of Fritos and tosses them into her mouth. I try to keep a straight face, but it's hard when I add, 'Fired for copying your naked butt and gluing it on your boss's chair.

Here's a money-saving tip for Christmas: Glue a jujube on a brick and mail it out as fruitcake.

Being a child is horrible. It is slightly better than being a tree or a piece of heavy machinery but not half as good as being a domestic cat.

What if I have bad breath?' I asked. 'Chew on some gum,' she said. 'What if I can't find his tongue?' 'Back off on your tongue until you can feel his.' 'What if he throws up in my mouth?' 'Um, that would just be gross.

I'm probably the only person on earth who had to be committed to a mental hospital to find a date.

Is it the boiler room? Is this the part where we both fall asleep and Freddy comes after us? 'Cause I could so kick his ass.

Could it be possible that having cancer has turned you into an even bigger perv? Yes. It's a common side effect.

Even sick as fuck and pumped with meds, Becca was a complete pervert.

Science never sucks, it vacuums!

Distract him? What the hell was I supposed to do? Strip naked and do the hula?

No, I wanna go kick puppies," she retorted.

They served "Good Food" but only a G, an O and a D were lit up. Personally, I doubted God dined there. Unless God was keen on samonella poisoning and rat droppings in the hamburgers. But then again, what did I know?

Once upon a time, I'd thought demon-hunting was hard. But that was before I'd become a mom. Trust me. In comparison to parenting, stalking and killing demons is a piece of cake.

Mostly, it was just me walking them. My own private Iditarod. And it wasn't a picnic. Just so you know, if you ever see a person walking four dogs, there are two things you can cross off your list of what to exclaim: (1) "Who's walking who?" and (2) "Looks like you got your hands full." Both lines are stupid and someone else has already said them. You might consider saying, "Hey, pretty girl!" or "Wow, four dogs sure make you look thin!

How weird man that your name is Howard Mann