Quotes About Humor

Wasn't that awesome? Seth asked. Warren cocked his head, his expression mildly embarrassed. I'm sorry, Kendra--it was pretty cool. All boys belong in insane asylums, Kendra said.

Can't you home school me? Nate pleaded. You would never do any work. (Nate's mom) Sounds perfect!

She pictured herself running from a hoard of ravenous zombies on a hot day eventually collapsing from heatstroke and getting devoured. Then she imagined Hal giving a rousing eulogy at her funeral explaining how Kendra's death was a beautiful sacrifice allowing the noble zombies to live on delighting future generations by mindlessly trying to eat them. With her luck it could totally happen.

What has three heads, six arms, and half a brain? Three asked. One and Two answered in unison. Nate Sutter.

Don't let the brownies bite.

You said you wanted my story? Well, I was swallowed by a hippopotamus. Except I didn't go into the hippo, I ended up in a tree. Then I sort of wandered here.

Forgive my brother, Camira apologized. We don't normally let him out of his cage when guests are present.

He was being really cute and funny. Then he moved in close. I was terrified - I mean, I hardly know him, but it was also sort of exciting. Until we actually kissed. Kendra, he had dog breath.

Being butchered by monkeys is pretty low on my list of ways to go.

What's the dog called?' Jason asked. 'Feraclestinius Androbrelium Pathershin the Seventh.' 'No, I meant his entire name.' 'To abbreviate, I call him Feracles.

I don't want to get killed either," Seth said agreeably. "I'd much rather live. Partly because I know you'd write 'I told you so' on my gravestone.

Enough to feed an army for a year." "Or two satyrs for a month," Newel said.

SLASH What was your first sexual experience? BOBBY When I stuck my arm down a garbage disposal. PAT That wasn't a garbage disposal. BOBBY Who was it?

Why not? Give me one good reason why we shouldn't get married. Because trying to fuck you is like trying to french-kiss a very.... small and... lively gerbil? With braces?

You can't get dyslexia from pussy.

Did I ever tell you that I want to wear a big yellow smiley-face mask and then put on the CD version of Bobby McFerrin's 'Don't Worry, Be Happy' and then take a girl and a dog—a collie, a chow, a sharpei, it doesn't really matter—and then hook up this transfusion pump, this IV set, and switch their blood, you know, pump the dog's blood into the hardbody and vice versa, did I ever tell you this?

And, Price adds, smiling, if another round of Bellinis comes within a twenty-foot radius of our table we are going to set the maitre d' on fire. So you know, warn him.

Did you know I was born in a Holiday Inn.

The Patty Winters Show this morning was about Nazis and, inexplicably, I got a real charge out of watching it. Though I wasn't exactly charmed by their deeds, I didn't find them unsympathetic either, nor I might add did most of the members of the audience. One of the Nazis, in a rare display of humor, even juggled grapefruits and, delighted, I sat up in bed and clapped.

Why not?" she asks petulantly. "Give me one good reason we shouldn't." "Because trying to fuck you is like trying to French-kiss a very … small and … lively gerbil?" I tell her. "I don't know." "Yes?" she says. "And?" "With braces?" I finish, shrugging.

Honey?" she asks. "Don't call me that," I snap. "What? Honey?" she asks. "Yes," I snap again. "What do you want me to call you?" she asks, indignantly. "CEO?" She stifles a giggle. "Oh Christ." "No, really Patrick. What do you want me to call you?" King, I'm thinking.

Qué es lo peor que te ha pasado, Jimmy?, lee fuera de cuadro alguien que hace el papel de una chica llamada Claire. El amor incondicional, responde el chico, y el personaje de Jimmy se vuelve con fingida vergüenza, pero el chico lee mal la frase, poniendo el énfasis donde no toca, sonriendo cuando debería haberse puesto totalmente serio, convirtiéndolo en el remate de un chiste cuando nunca lo ha sido.

And by the way, did anyone ever tell you that you look exactly like Garfield but run over and skinned and then someone threw an ugly Ferragamo sweater over you before they rushed you to the vet? Fusilli? Olive oil on Brie?

There are no girls with good personalities," we all say in unison, laughing, giving each other high-five.