Quotes About Humor

On The Patty Winters Show this morning a Cheerio sat in a very small chair and was interviewed for close to an hour.

you can get dyslexia from pussy

It is the test of a good religion whether you can joke about it.

What's the difference between physics and psychiatry? One's full of quarks, and the other's full of quacks.

Do you always carry a gun?' Peach asked. *** 'It's Florida,' Annalie said. She hefted her purse up and down as if she were working out with weights. 'Even Mickey Mouse probably carries a piece.

Err, sorry Father Abbot. I tripped y'see. Trod on my Abbot, Father Habit. Oh dear, I mean....

The crafty otter produced a flat pebble from his helmet, spat on one side of it, and held it up for the bird to see. 'Right, I'll spin ye. Dry side, I win, wet side, you lose. Good?' The honey buzzard nodded eagerly... Buteo's keen eyes watched every spin of the stone until it clacked down flat on the deck. Garfo grinned from ear to ear. 'Wet side! You lose!

Chuckling darkly over

Oi jus' bin a-runned over boi a mad creatur'. Hurr." Orlando laughed so hard he hurt his jaw.

Suck my hemorrhoids!

Gert: Wake me when the fight scene's over. Kitty Pryde: Oy, tell me about it. Hey, I'm Kitty. You the token pacifist of your group? Gert: Not exactly. Pacifists are like vegans, I'm more of a vegetarian. I enjoy fish and occasional maulings.

At first, he annoyed the shit out of me. Marko can be a self-righteous ass, he has no idea how to sit still, and worst of all, he laughs at his own jokes. Then why did you risk everything to be with him? Because your son is so goddamn beautiful. Ha. I assure you, looks aren't forever. Oh, I know. I wasn't talking about his looks.

Gert: What... what just happened? Chase: I don't know, but guess who totally stole Cookie Monster's glasses! Gert: Whew, for a second there, I was worried we almost learned something. Chase: Ooo, look at me! I'm a big fluffy nerd!

Cookie monster speaks better English than you.

Sai, negli ultimi mesi ho mangiato tante di quelle pesche in scatola, che ieri notte ho praticamente cacato una crostata.

Vampires, like virgins or priests, are things that women believe in. We must never fail to humor them in such matters.

That's why I admired that kid who spelled it wrong on purpose so he could sit down. He knew he wasn't going to win, so why stand there for 3 hours. First round. "Cat, K-A-T, I'm outta here." Then as he passed you, "Ha! I know there's 2 T's.

It's good to be here. I'm just trying to go through life without looking stupid. It's not working out too well.

I have to lay off dairy though. That's what my doctor threw in. As I was leaving his office, Oh, and uh, leave off dairy. What kind of blanket sweep is that? And no more happiness! Away with you!

A serving size on ice cream is like a half a cup. Is that like a joke some guy put on there? Hey, come here: look what I put for the serving size. Did you see? I just did it as a joke but they're going out like that. You ever know anybody to eat a half a cup of ice cream? Hey, you wanna go grab something to eat? Ah, no. I had a half a cup of ice cream. Ya, a whole half a cup. I just kept eating and eating and eating. I must've had two spoonfuls.

You want another one? Oh, I don't know: I've already had two whole, entire Fig Newtons. Maybe I could try to muscle one more down but I don't think I - Mmmm, I am stuffed to the wrappers! They're nuts. We got an ER here. We got a three Fig Newton eater. How many did he have? What is he nuts? Doesn't he read?

You know when you say something but you want to change in the middle? Like one time I was a bout to say take care but changed in the middle to good luck so it sounded like TAKE LUCK.. If you have any luck take care of it. Take luck you now. SHUT UP!

Would you like a nice cold fish head? They're frozen solid: frozen head of fish, the eyeballs in there and the skeleton's coming out. It comes with a turnip and a spork. I was wishing you had one of them left; wishing upon a star.

So I called back, Ya, I have ten boxes and... no I'm another guy. Ya and they all weigh exactly 22 pounds, and they all have a girth of... three. Three what? Three... girth units.