Quotes About Humor

They'd come here to spoon and, on one memorable occasion, fork.

Bee there Orr Bee A Rectangular Thyng

Everybody present laughed nervously, except Lord Vetinari, who just laughed.

The nice thing about artificial intelligence is that at least it's better than artificial stupidity.

I know it's not the right thing to say to a lady, miss, but you are sweating like a pig! My mother always said that horses sweat, men perspire, and ladies merely glow… Is that so? Well, miss, you are glowing like a pig!

Not much call for a barbarian hairdresser, I expect,' said Rincewind. 'I mean, no-one wants a shampoo-and-beheading.

And the Nac Mac Feegle are, well, they're like tiny little Scottish Smurfs who have seen Braveheart altogether too many times.

Daft Wullie had raised a finger. 'Point o' order, Rob,' he said, 'but it was a wee bittie hurtful there for you to say I dinna hae the brains of a beetle...' Rob hesitated, but only for a moment. 'Aye, Daft Wullie, ye are right in whut ye say. It was unricht o' me to say that. It was the heat o' the moment, an' I am full sorry for it. As I stand here before ye now, I will say: Daft Wullie, ye DO hae the brains o' a beetle, an' I'll fight any scunner who says different!

This man was so absent-mindedly clever that he could paint pictures that didn't just follow you around the room but went home with you and did the washing-up.

Don't be ridiculous, man, said Ridcully, there's no such thing as dwarf smuggling. Yeah? Then what's that you've got there? I'm a giant, said Casanunda. Giants are a lot bigger. I've been ill.

We got the spell exactly right. Except for the ingredients. And most of the poetry. And it probably wasn't the right time. And Gytha took most of it home for the cat, which couldn't of been proper.

Man just went past with a cat on his head

Artists and writers have always had a rather exaggerated idea about what goes on at a witches' sabbat. This comes from spending too much time in small rooms with the curtains drawn, instead of getting out in the healthy fresh air. For example, there's the dancing around naked. In the average temperate climate there are very few nights when anyone would dance around at midnight with no clothes on, quite apart from the question of stones, thistles, and sudden hedgehogs.

There are no maps. You can't map a sense of humor.

Gossiping's part of witchcraft,' said Tiffany. 'They're checking to see if they've gone batty yet.

The monk solved his immediate problem by giving a little whimper and fainting.

She was, in fact, quite a pleasant looking girl, even if her bosom had clearly been intended for a girl two feet taller; but she was not Her. The Egregious Professor of Grammar and Usage would have corrected this to she was not she, which would have caused the Professor of Logic to spit out his drink.

What's this here," he said suspiciously, "about us got to give you faggots?" Oh, we have to have them," said Newt, "We burn them." Say what?" We burn them." The guard's face broadened into a grin. And they'd told him England was soft. "Right on!" he said

Look out! He's got a daisy!

Don't get your knickers in a knot just yet, Tiff,' she said briskly. 'It won't solve anything an' will just make you walk odd.

Besides, when you hit your thumb with an eight-pound hammer it's nice to be able to blaspheme. It takes a very special and strong-minded kind of atheist to jump up and down with their hand clasped under their other armpit and shout, "Oh, random fluctuations-in-the-space-time-contiuum!" or "Aaargh, primitive-and-outmoded-concept on a crutch!

Lawn looked down at his patient. In the words of the philosopher Sceptum, the founder of my profession: am I going to get paid for this?

she was definitely feeling several twinkles short of a glitter...

And he read Principles of Accounting all morning, but just to make it interesting, he put lots of dragons in it.