Quotes About Humor

Cake is not the issue here.

It pays to advertise," Nanny agreed. "This is Greebo. Between you and me, he's a fiend from hell." "Well, he's a cat," said Mrs. Gogol, generously. "It's only to be expected.

The short conversation that follows eventually led to a tree religion. Its tenet of faith was this: a tree that was a good tree and led a clean decent and upstanding life could be assured of a future life after death. If it was very good indeed it would eventually be reincarnated as five thousand rolls of lavatory paper.

Smaller-than-Medium-Jock-but-bigger-than-Wee-Jock-Jock

Sam Vimes could parallel process. Most husbands can. They learn to follow their own line of thought while at the same time listening to what their wives say. And the listening is important, because at any time they could be challenged and must be ready to quote the last sentence in full. A vital additional skill is being able to scan the dialogue for telltale phrases such as and they can deliver it tomorrow or so I've invited them for dinner? or they can do it in blue, really quite cheaply.

But in cynicism and general world weariness, which is a sort of carbon dating of the personality, he was about seven thousand years old.

There have been better attempts at marching, and they have been made by penguins.

Horses, Death felt, shouldn't grin. Any horse that was grinning was planning something.

This is Morbidia, said Vlad. Although she's been calling herself Tracy lately, to be cool.

Moist was sure doctors keep skeletons around to cow patients. Nyer, nyer, we know what you look underneath ...

What sort of person, said Salzella patiently, sits down and writes a maniacal laugh? And all those exclamation marks, you notice? Five? A sure sign of someone who wears his underpants on his head. Opera can do that to a man.

I WAS NOT EXPECTING A NAC MAC FEEGLE TODAY, said Death. OTHERWISE I WOULD HAVE WORN PROTECTIVE CLOTHING, HA HA.

She knew a cutting, incisive, withering and above all a self-evident answer existed. It was just that, to her extreme annoyance, she couldn't quite bring it to mind.

This looks like a job for inadvisably applied magic if ever I saw one.

Terry Pratchett

Vimes felt a sudden surge of civic pride. There had to be something right about a citizenry which, when faced with catastrophe, thought about selling sausages to the participants.

Under the table, Greebo sat and washed himself. Occasionally he burped. Vampires have risen from the dead, the grave and the crypt, but never managed it from the cat.

Corporal Nobbs," he rasped, "why are you kicking people when they're down?" "Safest way, sir," said Nobby. Nobby had long ago been told about fighting fair and not striking a fallen opponent, and had then given some creative thought to how these rules applied to someone four feet tall with the muscle tone of an elastic band.

The disc's greatest lovers were undoubtedly Mellius and Gretelina, whose pure, passionate and soul-searing affair would have scorched the pages of History if they had not, because of some unexplained quirk of fate, been born two hundred years apart on different continents. However, the gods took pity on them and turned him into an ironing board** and her into a small brass bollard. **When you're a god, you don't have to have reasons.

When they're laughing at you, their guard is down. When their guard is down, you can kick them in the fracas.

Nanny Ogg could see the future in the froth on a beer mug. It invariably showed that she was going to enjoy a refreshing drink which she almost certainly was not going to pay for.

They were also slightly less intelligent than he was. This is a quality you should always pray for in your would-be murderer.

You were safe on a troll. Anyone wanting to mug a troll would have to use a building on a stick.

If the Creator had said, Let there be light in Ankh-Morpork, he'd have got no further because of all the people saying What colour?