Quotes About Humor

I don't know any astronauts. There are a lot of people who say they want to be comedians.

To me, the highest expression of life is art with jokes. It's very rarified, very difficult to accomplish if you want to be more than just funny, and more than just jokes about human gaseousness.

Okay, first rule of this carpool. No breaking wind in my car. The only gas that Bernie Mac want to be smelling is unleaded.

We were having tea with my mother-in-law the other day and out of the blue she said, "I've decided I want to be cremated." I said, "Alright, get your coat."

Ted Kennedy is endorsing John Kerry and I'm wondering, do you really want the endorsement of a guy with a Bloody Mary mustache?

Hillary Clinton could use one of these Apple Watches. She could hook it up to her secret email account. If you want to contact Hillary, she's at [email protected].

Everyone wants to look good in photographs, even us trolls who tell jokes.

I was walking down the street, and I found a man's hand in my pocket. I asked, "What do you want?" "A match" "Why didn't you ask me?" "I don't talk to strangers."

She sticks her tongue out at me and crosses her eyes. Not sure why that made me want to do her in the backseat, but to each his own, I guess.

Audiences have proved time and again that they don't want a steady diet of any entertainer airing his social views - especially if he's a comedian.

I heard from my cat's lawyer today; my cat wants $12,000 a week for Tender Vittles.

Stand-up comedy is the most relaxing thing I do. If I want to unwind and de-stress, I go out and do stand-up, often several shows in a night.

I like to laugh. I like to have a good time. I don't like to be so serious about things, so I would want a guy who would want to laugh and have a good time, too.

Wraith held up his hands. "Chill, Gramps. I don't want to sit on your knee or anything.

If the world comes to an end, I want to be in Cincinnati. Everything comes there ten years later.

Everytime I read 'Pride and Prejudice' I want to dig her up and beat her over the skull with her own shin-bone.

I love jokes as much as anyone, but I don't want to hear my snail jokes every day. But I might want to hear a good song every day.

We... joked a little about presidential portraits. He [Bill Clinton] told me that he and Harrison Ford had been joking recently about how chins drop with age, and he didn't want to look that way.

The best way to do comedy is to not filter yourself, and then you could always fix it later. You want to be able to push the envelope.

One of the funniest lines in my show was written for me by Alan Bursky. I really want to learn this routine!

Even when I was doing theater it was more comedic. Don't get me wrong, I love doing the dramatic and heavy stuff, but I just want to have fun. I want to make people laugh.

It's occurred to me I need to laugh at myself more and that I don't need to be some sad folk singer all the time. I don't want to be the queen of pain.

I love you, man. You rule! Thanks for the food. It touches me deep in my tender place. (Sway) I don't want to know nothing about your tender place, you freak. (Devyn)

I think that it's hard for vain people to be funny. I think you can look any way you want as long as you have a good sense of humor about yourself.