Quotes About Humor

Comedy shows us that one must not take life too seriously, and tragedy teaches us what happens when we pay no attention to what comedy teaches us

He always thought becoming a husband and father would be a living Hell, but he had no idea it was going to be so literal.

You're dumping me while I'm taking a dump?

I'm not the first or the last to stand on a hillock, watching the man she married prove to the world he's a total, utter, absolute, Grade A pillock. - Mrs Icarus

Went to the Zoo, I said to Him- Something about that chimpanzee over there reminds me of you.

Then Brian stopped so quickly that she had to grab her hand brakes to keep from plowing into him. Hey, you want me to bump my head against a tree, too? she asked.

Papa, their grandfather, was taking them so they didn't have to leave a car and "pay through the nose." He liked to be frugal with his money. Grant thought of someone paying a parking bill through their nose, and snickered. Papa was always saying things that Grant didn't understand yet.

You mean I can't chain him to the bumper of my truck and drag him through the city?

As you get older no doubt you'll change automatically, just like I did. You will learn all the tricks. You will dress much better, and talk much more, and listen much less. And you'll start to realise that it never does one much good to take anything too seriously at all.

That's pretty bold of you, Jill Cleary. His eyes sparkled when he teased. We've only known each other a few hours, and you're already talking about us getting pets together.

He flipped his hands out to motion her away. Go change clothes six times and stand in front of the mirror. I'll tell you if your jeans make your butt look fat.

Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit, I'm livin' with a prophet.

Are you kin to the Gallaghers or the Brennans? Jill asked. Hell, no! If I was, I'd shoot myself in the head with this gun.

Bessie, the old gray mule, had two speeds: slow and stop. A stick of dynamite could not have put any more giddy-up in her pace....

Do just-friends sleep all tangled up like a bunch of baby granddaddy long-legged spiders?

Have I told you today that you look mighty fetchin' in that outfit? he said as he opened the door for her. Only three times, she answered. Well, then make it four.

You like legs? she asked. On you, yes. On a chicken, I prefer wings and breasts. She picked up both legs with her fingers. Then we are going to get along just fine.

Maybe the two sections of land should have been called Bad Luck Ranch instead of the Lucky Penny…

You are trying to take my mind off the coming announcement and I appreciate it, but all that alphabet soup stuff confuses me. You do realize that I am a very natural blonde, don't you?" "You don't get to play that blondie card with me, darlin'. I already know how smart you are.

and spaghetti was busgetti

As Aunt Bee has said before, everything can't be all rainbows and unicorn farts

I vowed to find something to laugh about every day for the rest of my life.

Agnes shook a finger at her. "Stop your caterwauling. I didn't poison you. I just used five bars of Ex-Lax in a pan of fudge. And I mixed Miralax with the milk so I wouldn't have to put in that pinch of salt. It was guaranteed to start working in one hour or less. Didn't miss it by much, did it? If you die tomorrow morning, we can bury you in a shoebox, Violet Prescott, because you won't be full of shit no more.

Dammit? Why would you give a dog such a name? Or is that a third date story too? No, it's only a dog story. Rhett smiled and the temperature in the store shot up several degrees. I named him Lambert after Miranda Lambert, but I guess he didn't like bein' named after a girl, so he sat there like a knot on a log every time I called him. So I'd say, 'Dammit, come here.' And here he'd come runnin' hell-bent for leather. So I gave up and called him Dammit.