Quotes About Humor

If he wants breakfast in bed, tell him to sleep in the kitchen.

Show me a woman with both feet planted firmly on the ground - and I'll show you a girl who can't get her knickers off.

I rolled my eyes. "Kit is looking for a job in Nova Scotia." "Canada?" Despite everything, Hi chuckled. "Have a good time, eh ? Don't fight with any moose. Meese. Whatever." "Shut up." Against all expectation, I giggled. At least I had my friends.

Yo, warden. When do we eat around here? I'm hypoglycemic, plus I've got a hernia. And rabies simplex D. Basically, I need a ton of pills or my arms will fall off.

He looked like a man on his way to a prostate exam.

I needed him here like I needed a yeast infection.

I chuckled at this passage from Dr. Tempe Brennan in "Bones Never Lie" by Kathy Reichs: "Back home, I ate Bojangles chicken with Bird and watched a rerun of 'Bones.' For some reason, the cat is nuts about Hodgins.

More caffeine and sugar and I'd be photo-bombing the Hubble.

His ears and nose were raspberry red, and when he spoke, a cloud of vapor billowed from his mouth. I wanted to tell him to cover his ears, immediately felt like my mother, and didn't. He's a big boy. If his lobes crack off, he'll deal with it.

In my youth jeans had to be tight enough to cause arteriosclerosis. This kids drawers would accommodate a party of three.

Are you finished?" Emma asked. "Have you seen it?" "Yes." "And?" I considered crushing the handset. "And what?" "You're not furious?" "Sure I'm furious. My butt looks huge. Are you done venting?" That's what it was, of course. Venting.

She had the IQ of pencil lead & a personality to match.

You'll start talking, and pretty soon we'll all start nodding, and then the next thing you know, I'm hang gliding off the Eiffel Tower at night, being chased by ninja vampires

Who's going to rob us? A crackhead crab? A jellyfish junkie?

Parallel tough-guy nods. Man fix boat! Man be strong! "What now?" I asked, hoping to divert the two from actually beating their chests.

Let's do it. Monkeys are always funny. You pretty much can't go wrong with a monkey, right? Hi paused. Well unless that monkey wants you dead, or does needle drugs or something. Then it's wrong, and a bad monkey.

Booth: "You're a smart ass, you know that?" Brennan: "Objectively I'd say I'm very smart, although it has nothing to do with my ass.

Hey, check this weirdo out." Hi was inspecting a bust on the mantel. "This face is ninety percent eyebrow. What do you want to bet he owned slaves?" Scowling to match the carving's expression, Hi spoke in a gravelly voice. "In my day, we ate the poor people. We had a giant outdoor grill, and we cooked up peasant steaks every Sunday."

Im studying jerkoffs in the wild," Ben answered dryly. "This seemed like a good chance to view one up close.

I think my zygomaticus major might be major. I smile big and I smile a lot—even my resting bitch face is a smile.

roared with laughter. 'See what

Do you want me to ride you like a rented mule, or do you prefer to be Mr. Missionary Position? I'm fine with wither, so it doesn't matter to me.

Maybe I could just James Bond my way down the cable if I draped the scarf over it, clinging to the ends as my body careened down it to safety-- Careened. What an ugly word that was

Do blood clots get stuck in your teeth? What if someone's anemic; are you hungry again an hour later? Has anyone ever bitten you? If you run out of blood, do you shrivel up like a really old orange?