Quotes About Humor

Roses are red, violets are blue, I have five fingers, the middle one is for you.

Yes, I had disabled a six foot five satyr, caught him, and hoisted him into a chair without dropping my beer. If you think that's unlikely, you don't know how I feel about beer.)

a joke: "A QA engineer walks into a bar. Orders a beer. Orders zero beers. Orders 999,999,999 beers. Orders a lizard. Orders negative one beer. Orders a 'sfdeljknesv.

A QA engineer walks into a bar. Orders a beer. Orders zero beers. Orders 999,999,999 beers. Orders a lizard. Orders negative one beer. Orders a 'sfdeljknesv.

A quote about Carla Kelly - We used to have a family saying around the dinner table. For expediency in feeding our large number of children we would sometimes forego the use of a serving dish and just put one pot or another on the table. The expression was, "It's okay - Carla Kelly isn't here today." Dinner at the Kellys, and Carla's insistence on proper dining decorum was always a bright spot in our occasional family visits. - Gene McAvoy 7-22-10

They say that computers can't think, but I have one that does. It thinks it's broken.

On the seventh day God rested. His grandchildren must have been out of town.

Grandchildren: the only people who can get more out of you than the IRS.

I enjoy waking up and not having to go to work. So I do it three or four times a day.

My grandkids believe I'm the oldest thing in the world. And after two or three hours with them, I believe it, too.

Our marriage has always been a 50-50 proposition — with the possible exception of closet space.

Humor is the lifeblood that keeps new careers alive.

The Joke is not a collection of words; it's the scene that appears in the listener's mind as a result of those words

Comedy depends on the unexpected.

Comedy is basically truthful.

Each joke suffers in comparison to its neighbors.

No joke will work if you have to furnish a detailed explanation with it.

Writing good humor requires a considerable amount of imagination and a great deal of discipline.

Part of a comedian's entertainment value is that he can say things that normal people either can't or won't say.

When in doubt about a joke, drop it. Its easier to write a new joke than it is to get new friends.

Localizing your comedy always multiplies its humor content because the audience members feel like they're sharing the stage with you.

An audience is tremendously important in humor because it becomes an active participant in the performance. There is no humor until audience members get involved.

If you ignore them, they won't laugh.

There are very few good judges of comedy. The rest of us are guessing.