Quotes About Humor

When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.

I thought I was in love once, and then later I thought maybe it was just an inner-ear imbalance.

I sold my memoirs of my love life to Parker Brothers and they are going to make a game out of it.

He who has the courage to laugh is almost as much the master of the world as he who is ready to die.

When Andrew Jackson died someone asked a friend if he thought Old Hickory would go to heaven. 'He will if he wants to,' was the reply. On his death bed Disraeli declined a visit from Queen Victoria. 'No, it is better not', he said, 'she would only ask me to take a message to Albert.' I am a broken machine. I am ready to go.

What we need is a rebirth of satire, of dissent, of irreverence, of an uncompromising insistence that phoniness is phony and platitudes are platitudinous.

I have never been drunk, but I've often been overserved.

I drink to make other people interesting.

An Irish queer: a fellow who prefers women to drink.

I knew I was drunk. I felt sophisticated and couldn't pronounce it.

They say hot dogs can kill you. How do you know it's not the bun?

According to my doctor it's okay to drink like a fish - as long as I drink what the fish drinks.

Let's get out of these wet clothes and into a dry martini.

I'm not much of a drinker. It only takes me one drink to get drunk . . . my fourth.

When I demanded of my friend what viands he preferred, He quoth: "A large cold bottle, and a small hot bird!"

My prayer to God is a very short one "Oh Lord, make my enemies ridiculous!" God has granted it.

The English woman is so refined She has no bosom and no behind.

The most dangerous thing in the world is to make a friend of an Englishman, because he'll come sleep in your closet rather than spend 10 shillings on a hotel.

One matter Englishmen don't think in the least funny is their happy consciousness of possessing a deep sense of humour.

Pm convinced that it's energy and humor. The two of them combined equal charm.

Learn to laugh at your troubles and you'll never run out of things to laugh at.

When we begin to take our failures non-seriously, it means we are ceasing to be afraid of them. It is of immense importance to learn to laugh at ourselves.

Keep your sense of humor. There's enough stress in the rest of your life to let bad shots ruin a game you're supposed to enjoy.

Delicate humor is the crowning virtue of the saints.