Quotes About Humor

Come on, Ted. I'm not exactly the type to be a rich man's bimbo." "That's true." A world of compassion softened his voice. "Bimbos are generally good-hearted women who are pleasant to be around." "Spoken from experience, I'm sure. By the way, you may be God Almighty on the golf course, but you're a lousy dancer. Let me lead.

Panda gazed at her plastic-bag pregnancy. "Here I am, about to be a father, and the sex wasn't even that good." She fought the urge to apologize.

She hated using airplane toilets. She was always afraid the plane would choose the exact moment she was most defenseless to crash, and she'd spend her final seconds of life spiraling toward earth with her bottom bare to the world.

If I eat another hamburger, I'll start to moo. - Rachel

Don't you own anything pink? She looked down at her bike shorts and camouflage T-shirt. —What's wrong with this? —Nothing, if you're planning to invade Cuba.

Le regard mauvais , Calebow quitta un instant le chien des yeux pour s'adresser à elle. - Si elle me pisse dessus , je la transforme en descente de lit.

Anybody ever tell you that you've got a smart mouth?" "It goes with my brain.

Men like him should be required by law to carry a heart defibrillator. He

Not too much. I never got into killing things." "Preferring slow torture." "You

It wasn't every day a guy saw a headless beaver marching down the side of a road, not even in Dean Robillard's larger-than-life world. "Son of a…" Dean

Drop that towel, and I'll throw in champagne." "Tempting." She made her way toward her bedroom. "But since I might be pregnant, I couldn't drink." He gave a long sigh. "And with those chilling words, the raging fire in his loins vanished.

Susan Elizabeth Phillips

It wasn't every day a guy saw a headless beaver marching down the side of a road, not even in Dean Robillard's larger-than-life world.

It wasn't everyday a guy saw a headless beaver marching down the side of the road,...

Thanks, but seriously . . ." She regarded him with earnest eyes and what she hoped was a semi-shy expression. "You're way too hot for me." "That just means I can warm you up faster." She

Leave it to you to marry a psycho." He looked startled. Then his shoulders relaxed. "Yeah, well, takes one to know one, right?" "So they say.

In case you start to wonder … You're a great guy and a halfway decent lover, but no way would I ever kill myself over you." "Comforting." "Or lose even a minute's sleep." "Vaguely insulting, but … thanks for the clarity." "This is the way sane woman behave. Tuck that away for future reference." "I'll be sure to do that.

I married a damned cereal killer

What are you gonna do, angel face? Stab me with your eyebrow pencil?

Did anybody tell you that you're a few french fries short of a Happy Meal?

Now, this is where I draw the line! It's bad enough everybody in town's going to be thinkin' I'm sleeping with a depressed, lice-ridden, hemorrhoidal foreigner who likes to be tied up and might be pregnant, although-since she's just about cornered the market on condoms-I don't know how that could have happened. But I will not-you listen to me, Emma!-I absolutely will not have anybody thinkin' a woman of mine needs a vaginal moisturizer, do you hear me?

Here was a Jewish man-turned-woman making fun of Jewish men for not being manly enough.

They wonder if she was going to quilt it or just knot it! (The men laugh, the women look abashed.)

No," I said. "He's a Rabinowitz. He's a semi-decent