Quotes About Humor

Clowns—feh! All that ghastly, forced gaiety, worse than New Year's Eve.

Who the hell knows where they get these farkakte names for their kids. One of Rita's friends named her son Bodhisattva. Bodhisattva Rosenblatt. Can you imagine? Rita always says, 'It's no big deal. They call him 'Bodi', is all.' Please. And the newspapers say I'm abusive to children?

I called her "the Chiquita Banana Lady" and I meant it as a compliment: who didn't want to look adorable with a pile of fruit on her head?

Sherman: You are the worst. Rick: You taught me everything I know.

In spite of the terrible pain I was in, I tried to help name the hot sauces. For the allegedly mild one, which tasted like nuclear fall-out, I suggested Hot as Fuck. For the medium one, which tasted like seven lit cigarettes applied firmly to the tongue, I suggested You'd Have to Be an Idiot to Try This, and for the Scorpion sauce, which was so hot I think it gave me permanent nerve damage, I suggested Lawsuit Followed by Complete Financial Collapse. She ignored all my suggestions...

like the twig furniture she made, thinking it was going to make us rich, only she's shit with a hammer and nails and the stuff ended up being deadly. You were practically begging for a colonoscopy if you sat on it.

Got anything to eat?" I asked. "You know where the gas station is," said my incredibly nurturing and maternal mother.

Nothing says "I love you" more than patting your boyfriend's back as his head is in a toilet, barfing up warm Bud Light.

When I was in medical school, I embarrassed myself horribly when I found a 'lump' in my breast and frantically ran to one of the older doctors to find out if I had cancer. I found out I had a rib.

To the stupidity of men, " Dakota said, raising a glass. "And my brother, who is their king.

When did you get all insightful?" he asked. "I have no idea," Josh admitted. "I don't like it." "Me, either. Makes me feel like a girl. Don't tell anyone." (Ethan and Josh)

I think experienced makes me sound like an aging hooker.

He'd faced dangerous criminals. He could eat vegetables. Vegetables didn't kill. Pobably.

You can't let a little thing like total public humiliation stand between you and a good time." T.D. in the series Martha Speaks

But even the venerable Zen teacher Robert Aitken Roshi, in an interview about being old—he was in his eighties at the time—admitted with a laugh, "I often feel like a young person who has something wrong with me." It

do you think there are any conservative librarians?" Rosenberg was laughing so hard

If your kids are giving you a headache, follow the directions on the aspirin bottle, especially the part that says "keep away from children."

Has a sense of humor. (Preferably warped.) We know who we are

He had a thought that amused him. "Figures, still life, landscape, AND an animal! Zola, eat your hat!" he bellowed.

She was good-natured with a ribald sense of humour, breaking wind fairly frequently and uninhibitedly, then asking in a loud voice: "Who's let Johnny out of prison?" I

I was out on a date recently and the guy took me horseback riding. That was kind of fun, until we ran out of quarters.

George watched this exchange with disappointment. "Performance parenting" was how Tina used to describe it. Seeking to charm listeners in public with one's patience and good humor, using one's child as a foil. Had George not been there, Emily would have told Nicholas to be quiet or no ice cream and that would have been the end of it.

You're the very nicest jerk I know.

He's getting older," Charles said darkly. "Shall I hit him with my walker or my oxygen tank?