Quotes About Humor

Dripping faucets, farts of passion, flat tires - are all sadder than death.

Well," I said to Sara, "it ain't been a bad year. Nobody murdered me." "And you're still able to drink every night and get up at noon every day." "If I can just hold out another year.

It felt good not to be part of that sort of thing. I was glad I wasn't in love, that I wasn't happy with the world. I like being at odds with everything. People in love often become edgy, dangerous. They lose their sense of perspective. They lose their sense of humor. They become nervous, psychotic bores. They even become killers.

I have nothing against 2 men sleeping together so long as I am not one of those 2 men.

We have an opening for a dishwasher. Fifty cents an hour and you get to grab Rita's ass every once in a while.

Me sentía bien no formando parte de aquello. Me alegraba de no estar enamorado, de no ser feliz con el mundo. Me gustaba estar en desacuerdo con todo. La gente enamorada a menudo se ponía cortante, peligrosa. Perdían su sentido de la perspectiva. Perdían su sentido del humor. Se ponían nerviosos, psicóticos, aburridos. Incluso se convertían en asesinos.

If we can laugh, fine. And if we've got to cry, we've got to cry.

Love breaks my bone ans I Laugh.

Love breaks my bone and I Laugh.

I had to take a shit but instead I went into this shop to have a key made.

How come you walk so funny? I was frying some chicken in the pan and the grease exploded, it burned my legs. I thought maybe you had war wounds. No, the chicken did it.

Nothing is worse than to finish a good shit, then reach over and find the toilet paper container empty.

a man can go 70 years without a piece of ass but he can die in a week without a bowel movement.

Me gustó, soy la mejor forma de entretenimiento que tengo; bebamos más vino.

1Morir en el suelo de la cocina a las siete de la mañana mientras otra gente hace huevos fritos no es tan grave salvo cuando te pasa a ti.

The poem's not fragile. You can beat on it. It's got good traction. Paraphrased, its four stanzas go like this: 1. You're fucked. 2. We're all fucked. 3. Why? 4. Let's eat lunch.

Whilst Man, however well-behaved, At best is but a monkey shaved!

I remember a funny dinner at my brother's, where, amongst a few others, were Babbage and Lyell, both of whom liked to talk. Carlyle, however, silenced every one by haranguing during the whole dinner on the advantages of silence. After dinner Babbage, in his grimmest manner, thanked Carlyle for his very interesting lecture on silence.

if you do not know, reader, what a Fisher Hobbs is, you know nothing about pigs, and deserve no bacon for breakfast.

Unfair suffering is never funny.

Fiorello La Guardia, Mayor of New York City during the 1930s, used to say, I don't fail often. But when I do, it's a beaut!

Nobody ever imagined a bunch of Orcs would steal a database table…

He stabs at the mouse mat with one finger and I wince, but instead of fat purple sparks and a hideous soul-sucking manifestation, it simply wakes up his Windows box. (Not that there's much difference.)

He monologued at me. With PowerPoint.?? ??He what? And you're still sane? Obviously I underestimated you.??