Quotes About Humor

It'th high time we tried getting Anabel on board with uth," said Grayson with his mouth so full that I could hardly make out what he was saying. I moved Lottie's leek and bacon tart out of his reach. "Sorry, I don't speak greedyguts-ish," I said as Grayson grunted in protest.

Taký brak odmietam písa?! Vrátim sa a poviem mu, aby si ve?mi rýchlo urobil magickú cesnakovú omeletu, inak mu prehryznem kr?nú tepnu" - tá predstava ma tak vyviedla z miery, že som iba dodala: "A potom... potom pôjdem domov alebo ?o..

Meneer Giordano had zich voorgesteld met de woorden: Giordano, alleen Giordano graag. Gepromoveerd historicus, beroemd modeontwerper, reikimeester, creatieve sieradenontwerper, bekende choreograaf, adept van de derde graad, deskundige inzake de achttiende en negentiende eew.' 'Shitterdeshit,' zei Xemerius. 'Die heeft als kind zeker een keertje in een te heet bad gezeten.

Here I'd finally met a good-looking man, and I was drunk as a skunk. And why a skunk, of all things? Are skunks somehow more prone to intoxication? I urgently needed to research that on the Internet.

You have to have a sense of humor about life to get through it.

A typical call in one of my routines went like this: Me: What city, please? Caller: Providence. Me: What is the name, please? Caller: John Norton. Me: Is this a business or a residence? Caller: Residence. Me: The number is 836, 5 one-half 66. At this point the caller was usually either baffled or indignant. Caller: How do I dial one-half?! Me: Go pick up a new phone that has uh-half on it. The reactions I got were hilarious.

Thanksgiving, man. Not a good day to be my pants.

How big are muffins going to get before we all join hands across America? Have you seen them? They're huge. "Yeah, I'll take a coffee and... Oh, my God! Yeah, I'll have the beanbag chair with raisins.

You know, when you're a fat guy you don't need a reason to sweat. Guys come up to me and go "Jeez... what have you been doing - jumping rope in the attic or something?"..."Umm, no... I peeled an orange about an hour ago, why?

Re-visioning the ordinary is what art, literature, and comedy do.You can elevate mundane details into magical wonders simply by noticing them.

As the old joke goes: "Software, free. User manual, $10,000." But it's no joke.

Do you know if a kangaroo can jump higher than a house? Of course it does, a house does not jump at all. 2.

A lot of baby boomers are baby bongers.

Yeah? Well, my mother can beat up your mother.

Why take life seriously? No one gets out alive anyways.

Laughter helps my mind learn.

What if the Hand of God decides to choke you to death on your next portion of Parma ham?

Did Dolezal really fool those black folks around her? I have a strange feeling she didn't, that many simply humored her. You have to do this with white people, from time to time.

Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water." —W. C. FIELDS

Men have many faults, women only two: Everything they say, and everything they do.

A husband comes home from satsang and greets his wife, lifts her up and carries her around the house. His wife is surprised and asks, 'Did the Swami ji preach about being romantic today?' Her husband replies, 'No, he said we must carry our burdens and sorrows with a smile.

A QUESTION OF SALARY Santa was filling up an application form for a job. He was not sure as to what to put in the column 'Salary Expected'. After much thought he wrote : 'Yes, please.

One day Aunt Bimbo asked Uncle Reloo: 'When I die, will you make a Taj Mahal for me?' He replied: 'You die first, we'll talk about a Taj Mahal for you afterwards.

CHALLANED! Santa was caught for speeding and was produced before the magistrate. Magistrate: 'What'll you take? 30 days or Rs 3,000?' Santa: 'I think I'll take the money.' Contributed by Vijay Sharma, Dharmashala