Quotes About Humor

I'll keep us out of war with Oklahoma!

How can you look at the Texas legislature and still believe in intelligent design?

May the God of your choice bless and keep you. I respect Him as long as He does not circumcise me anymore.

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

Well, I just said that Jesus and I were both Jewish and that neither of us ever had a job, we never had a home, we never married and we traveled around the countryside irritating people.

I support gay marriage. I believe they have a right to be as miserable as the rest of us.

Every time you see a beautiful woman, just remember, somebody else got tired of her shit

A fool and his money are soon elected

I was so high, I needed a stepladder to scratch my own ass.

You can pick your friends and you can pick your nose, but you can't wipe your friends off on a saddle.

Ever the charmer, eh, Braden? (Sin) Hold your tongue, Sin. (Braden) I would, but with my luck, one of your giant Scottish bugs would land on it. Besides, it makes my hand wet and pruney when I do that. (Sin)

Henry requests Sin marry Caledonia) I would sooner geld myself. Drunk. With a dull knife. (Sin)

Don't you dare. (Callie) Dare what? (Sin) Turn those serious eyes on me, Sin…or else I'll bash you with my pillow again. (Callie)

Mmm. Let me guess. I like to drink the blood of innocents, feast on the entrails of knights and eat the hearts of small children everywhere. (Sin) Aye, that was much the consensus. (Callie) Well, I hope you didn't go to such trouble to feed me. I fear 'tis off season for good blood, and knights can be rather testy when you disembowel them. (Sin)

Whatever did they feed you to make you grow so large? (Nora) A great deal of breast milk. (Ewan) You take great delight in shocking people, don't you? (Nora)

Do you intend to come over here and mount your horse, or are you wanting to stare at my backside for the rest of the day? (Ewan)

I wish you were small enough that I could give you the spanking you deserve. (Aisleen) Mother, I'm injured. (Ewan) Aye, and in the head to boot. (Aisleen)

Clumsy? Why, I've had more women than you, you whelp. Well. Maybe not more than you, but certainly more than Ewan. (Lochlan) That's not saying much. My left boot has had more women than Ewan. (Braden)

But I– (Jake) But nothing, Captain. Heaven forbid you leave the helm for more than a minute. Anything could happen. God could toss down a lightning bolt and set fire to the ship. A sea monster could rise up from the depth of the ocean and swallow us whole. Or, dare I say it? The weight of male egos may be so great that it plops a hole right in the center of deck and we sink from it! (Serenity)

God help him if any of them ever came true. Why, he'd be a two-headed, three-toed, monkey-nosed, blind son of a cesspit-licking lackey is she had her way.

Oh, that's effective," Sin said sarcastically.

Oh, that's effective," Sin said sarcastically. "Halt or I shall say halt again.

Cookie didn't dare light a fire, so we have cold food this evening. (Morgan) Yum. Hard-boiled wood, my favorite. (Serenity)

Not I, but rather the king you love so well. It appears he would see us marry. (Rowena) My hairy arse. (Stryder) That is much more information about your person, Lord Stryder, than I care to know. (Rowena)