Quotes About Humor

O Sage ! the stomach is the prison house of wind, The sagacious contain it not in captivity, If wind torment thy belly, release it, fart; For the wind in the stomach is like a stone on the heart.

If you don't want me to be in love with you, you're going to have to stop looking so lovely. First thing tomorrow I'm having your maids sew some potato sacks together for you.

God has a sense of humor. Don't believe me? Just look at a zebra and tell me what was going on in His mind that day.

Plan B?' Ivy said. 'What is plan B?' Jenks reddened. 'Grab the fish and run like hell,' he muttered, and I almost giggled.

Plan B?' Ivy said. 'What is plan B?' Jenks reddened. 'Grab the fish and run like hell,' he muttered, and I almost giggled.

Oh for the sweet humpin' love of Tink! ~ Jenks

You try getting through the Hollows traffic with a stoned redhead hanging out the window shouting, 'I'm king of the world!' ~Lee

Tagged by a whiny little vamp. Rache, take this sword and stick it in me. Just go and stick it in me. I'm a back-drafted, crumpled-winged, dust-caked, dew-assed excuse of a backup. Worthless as a pixy condom. Taken down by my own partner. Just tape my ass shut and let me fart out my mouth.

A witch, a vampire, and a pixy walk into a bar, I thought as I led the way into the Squirrel's End. It was early, and the sun had yet to set when the door swung shut behind Jenks, sealing us in the warm air smelling faintly of smoke. Immediately Nick yanked it open to come in behind us. And there's the punch line.

Ivy turned. 'He bit you on the neck?' she said, deadpan serious but for her eyes. 'Oh, then it's got to be love. She won't let me bite her neck.

Did you know you just put the peel in the pan and the potatoes down the waste disposal?' he enquired with interest. 'It's a new recipe.' His lips twitched but his expression remained solemn. 'The results should be...interesting.

There are only two kinds of people in this world... those who pick their nose... and liars. [Joshua, age 9]

You laugh at me, Frau Steadman?" Mr. Ollenburger touched his chest, his face twisting into an offended pout, yet his eyes sparkled merrily.

Sourpuss," she said, laughing. "Would it kill you to be grateful?" Maybe. Who knew?

After that, with help from Jamie, I left Susan little notes every day. Susan is a big frog. (That one made Jamie giggle.)

No woman can be handsome by the force of features alone, any more that she can be witty by only the help of speech.

If you haven't seen your wife smile at a traffic cop, you haven't seen her smile her prettiest.

The Scandinavians are dear people but they've never been what you might call bywords for wit and sparkle, have they?

The rewards for being sane may not be very many, but knowing what's funny is one of them.

It's a letdown if the comedian doesn't finally actually really sit on his hat.

They're laughing because they're mad, too mad to be able to tell what's funny any more. The rewards for being sane may not be very many but knowing what's funny is one of them.

The rewards for being sane may not be very many, but knowing what's funny is one of them.

Death has this much to be said for it: You don't have to get out of bed for it. Wherever you happen to be They bring it to you—free.

He was of the faith chiefly in the sense that the church he currently did not attend was Catholic.