Quotes About Humor

I've got the Mark of Cain," said Simon. "That means nothing can kill me, right?" "You can kill yourself," Magnus said, somewhat unhelpfully. "As far as I know, inanimate objects can accidentally kill you. So if you were planning on teaching yourself the lambada on a greased platform over a pit full of knives, I wouldn't." "There goes my Saturday.

If you knew how to cook, maybe I would eat," Jace muttered. Isabelle froze, her spoon poised dangerously. "What did you say?" Jace edged toward the fridge. "I said I'm going to look for a snack to eat." That's what I thought you said." Isabelle turned her attention to the soup.

Enough, both of you,' Clary said. 'You can't be complete jerks to each other forever, you know.' Technically,' said Simon, 'I can.' Jace made an inelegant noise; after a moment Clary realized that he was trying not to laugh, and only semi-succeeding.

Waiting for a special occasion to kill me? Christmas is coming.

Jace perched on the windowsill and looked down at him. "You really don't get this bodyguard thing, do you?" "I didn't even think you liked me all that much," said Simon. "Is this one of those keep-your-friends-close-and-your-enemies-closer things?" "I thought it was keep your friends close so you have someone to drive the car when you sneak over to your enemy's house a night and throw up in his mailbox." "I'm pretty sure that's not it

It's not funny, Jace," Alec interrupted, starting to his feet. "Are you just going to let her stand there and call me names?" "Yes," Jace said kindly. "It'll do you good-- try to think of it as endurance training.

Alec looked down at the shattered pieces in disbelief. "You BROKE my PHONE." Jace shrugged. "Guys don't let other guys keep calling other guys. Okay, that came out wrong. Friends don't let friends keep calling their exes and hanging up. Seriously. You have to stop." Alec looked furious. "So you broke my brand new phone? Thanks a lot." Jace smiled serenely and lay back on the grass. "You're welcome.

I should have guessed you were Jace's sister," he said. "You both have the same artistic talent." Clary paused, her foot on the lowest stair. She was taken aback. "Jace can draw?" Nah." When Alec smiled, his eyes lit like blue lamps and Clary could see what Magnus had found so captivating about him. "I was just kidding. He can't draw a straight line.

Pretty soon the only people left without a girlfriend will be me and Wendell the school janitor, and he smells like windex." "At least you know he's still available.

Does she still love you?" "I don't think so," Magnus said dryly. "She wasn't very pleasant the last time I saw her. Of course, that could be because I've got an eighteen year-old boyfriend with a stamina rune and she doesn't." Alec sputtered. "As the person being objectified, I ... object to that description of me.

Jordan doesn't really care about the blood," Simon said now. "His whole thing is about me being comfortable with what I am. Get in touch with your inner vampire, blah, blah." Clary slid in next to him onto the bed and hugged a pillow. "Is your inner vampire different from your...outer vampire?" "Definitely. He wants me to wear midriff-baring shirts and a fedora. I'm fighting it." Clary smiled faintly. "So your inner vampire is Magnus?

Did Brother Zachariah just steal our cat?

Also, I'm sleeping with your mom. Just thought you should know.

And if I laugh at any mortal thing, This that I may not weep.

My turn of mind is so given to taking things in the absurd point of view, that it breaks out in spite of me every now and then.

I never was so immensely tickled by anything I had ever said before. I actually woke up twice during the night, and laughed till the bed shook.

Some people seem quite destitute a sense of humour.

He said he wouldn't stay, as he didn't care much for the smell of the paint, and fell over the scraper as he went out. Must get the scraper removed, or else I shall get into a scrape. I don't often make jokes.

It's concerning you both; for doesn't it seem odd that Gowing's always coming and Cummings' always going?" 

The world is mad, but let's not get angry about it.

In conversation, humor is worth more than wit and easiness more than knowledge.

Women, as they grow older, rely more and more on cosmetics. Men, as they grow older, rely more and more on a sense of humor.

An optimist is a fellow who believes a housefly is looking for a way to get out.

The test of a real comedian is whether you laugh at him before he opens his mouth.