Quotes About Humor

This guy named Ian that I met at school. He wants to go to the DMV with me." She hands me a plate to dry. "Well, there's true love." I snort.

You're perfect,aren't you?" "I am a werewolf," he says between bites. He bends his head. "That just gives you a totally good excuse for your pathetic temper." He wiggles his eyebrows. "True.

Mom, I promised to behave. It wasn't easy. I mean, she couldn't help herself. She was all over this hunk of Navajo manhood and I had to keep telling her I'd promised not to let her violate me. Eventually she wore herself out and fell asleep.

He's not my boyfriend." "Ha. That's a good one. I saw you two tonsil surfing out there." I could kill her. "I don't even have tonsils!" "I know that and I bet Nick knows that too, now." She slaps her leg because she's just too funny for words.

Oh." I touch my cheeks. "You licked me." He laughs and leans over, giving a tiny tongue swipe to my hand. "You're very lickable." I try to hit him. He laughs harder and grabs my hands. "No fair! Mere mortal against werewolf," I complain. "Fine." He lets go, but first he kisses my fingers, each of them. I sigh happily.

If you start freaking out, call me and we'll go for a walk. Or we'll ride the night buses. We'll smoke some pot and get the giggles and eat a whole bag of chips. We'll walk up and down the alleys looking for treasure and avoiding skunks. Any of those things. None of those things. Whatever you can think of. In fact, you don't even have to think about all the silly things. I can do that too. Your girlfriend will be in charge of distractions.

It's nice to know you have support. Last night I got a marriage proposal. I just laughed.

Hey, Cormac. You ever have to deal with a PMSing werewolf?

So, Cormac, have you ever dealt with a PMSing werewolf?' No.' Well, it's a real bitch...

I grinned at him. 'Jealous?' He grinned right back. 'That's a trick question. If I say yes you'll accuse me of being paranoid and unreasonable, and if I say no you'll make some defensive crack about how I don't think you're worth getting jealous over.' This is what I got for hooking up with a lawyer.

It's only a scratch, don't cut my arm off!

It's weird, I never wish anything bad upon anybody, except two or three old girlfriends.

Go get us some burgers and coffee. I'll get on the horn to Mark Hopewell. I'll ask him for a list." "Cheese or plain?" "I'm on a diet." "Plain then. And no fries?" "I said I'm on a diet, not a death march.

The weed-whacker dad was helping his kid whack weeds. Dad was blitzed to the eyeballs on beer, and the kid was waving the weed whacker around like he was Luke Skywalker. It wasn't going to end well.

The weed-whacker dad was helping his kid whack weeds. Dad was blitzed to the eyebrows on beer, and the kid was waving the week whacker around like he was Luke Skywalker. It wasn't going to end well.

Any film which views the darker side of life, which is death with a sense of humor, is very much to my taste.

Insanity doesn't run in my family. It gallops.

To succeed with the opposite sex, tell her you're impotent. She can't wait to disprove it.

Who could ask for more? I still think it's funny

If I can't see the humor in it, how am I going to be funny?

Was Vonnegut there?" "Yes, and he thinks it's all very funny.

They say Yogi Berra is funny. Well, he has a lovely wife and family, a beautiful home, money in the bank, and he plays golf with millionaires. What's funny about that?

I'll never make the mistake of being 70 again.

Mister, that boy couldn't hit the ground if he fell out of an airplane.