Quotes About Humor

Takdir punya selera humor yang kejam - Murtagh

Best of luck, avoid roasted cabbage, don't eat earwax and always look on the bright side of life.

It's times like this when someone is talking to you like you are a grown-up that you have to be careful not to pick your nose or dig your drawers out of your butt.

Every Chihuahua in America Lines Up to Take a Bite out of Byron

I think we've got our fingers in God's beard and as we drive along we're tickling him.

Jimmie says our socks and clothes are very religious because they are so holey

Si realmente quisiera tomarte el pelo te dejaría calvo.

The cat arrived with a bottle of Scotch.

When too much is too much or too bad is too bad, we laugh as if it was too good.

Was she always that friendly? I joke. She saw Robert. At least I got that out of her. Maybe she buried him in the backyard. Stop. Did you smell it in there? Yes. That wasn't a normal smell. That wasn't the sort of something's-gone-bad-in-the-garbage smell. That was the sort of Dahmer-next-door smell. Stop it. I'm serious, I say. It's probably just some dead animal. Oh, well, in that case, it's fine.

One of us needs to get laid. Just one of us? What are the odds of both of us getting laid?

I masterbate in the shower. My action figures judge me. Especially the Justice League.

People, heed my warning: That stuff is Specials Olympics in a pint glass. You think they are harmless and not very strong, and the next thing you know it is an hour later and you are in the bathroom of the bar with your pants off, surrounded by five girls, giving your boxers to a bachelorette party because one of the girls is cute and told you that you had a nice butt. Be forewarned. - from the Austin Road Trip story

Of course, I'm not a doctor; I just watch a lot of ER and House.

If you wear Crocs on a first date

It was so bad I had to hit myself in the hand with a tack hammer to take my mind off the pain it caused me

There's gon' be some stuff you gon' see that's gon' make it hard to smile in the future. But through whatever you see, through all the rain and the pain, you gotta keep your sense of humor. You gotta be able to smile through all this bullshit. Remember that.

In life there are going to be some things that make it hard to smile. Through all the rain and pain you got to keep your sense of humor and smile for me now. Remember that.

Whatever you see you gotta keep a sense of humor; you gotta be able to smile through all the bullshit.

suppose you were an idiot

I felt like poisoning a monk.

Perhaps the mission of those who love mankind is to make people laugh at the truth, to make truth laugh, because the only truth lies in learning to free ourselves from insane passion for the truth.

For such is the fate of parody: it must never fear exaggerating. If it strikes home, it will only prefigure something that others will then do without a smile--and without a blush--in steadfast virile seriousness.

Por que Deus é o ser perfeitíssimo? Porque, se fosse imperfeitíssimo, seria meu primo Gustavo.