Quotes About Humor

He who laughs last thinks slowest.

Laughter is an orgasm triggered by the intercourse of sense and nonsense.

Sometimes I laugh so hard the tears run down my leg.

I really enjoy life I'm just not good at it.

Ah! my dear Count, life is much too important a thing ever to talk seriously about it.

I don't suffer from insanity — I enjoy every minute of it.

Somebody put too many olives in my martini last night.

I like to have a Martini, Two at the very most— After three I'm under the table, After four I'm under my host.

A perfect martini should be made by filling a glass with gin, then waving it in the general direction of Italy.

Bacon, n. The main reason you're not a vegetarian.

Now that is the way to write — peppery and to the point. Mush-and-milk journalism gives me the fan-tods.

I'm a babe magnet — but the wrong end.

I wonder why men can get serious at all. They have this delicate long thing hanging outside their bodies, which goes up and down by its own will. First of all having it outside your body is terribly dangerous... Second, the inconsistency of it, like carrying a chance time alarm or something. If I were a man I would always be laughing at myself. Humour is probably something the male of the species discovered through their own anatomy.

Don't cry over spilt burrito — that's why they invented forks.

I'm all about fitness. Fitness taco in my mouth.

If each day is a gift, I'd like to know where to return Mondays.

What do you call a person who is happy on Mondays? Unemployed.

WEALTH. Any income that is at least $100 more a year than the income of one's wife's sister's husband.

I'm one of those people, who when I draw birds I just draw flying mustaches.

I moustache you a question, but I'll shave it for later.

If I stitch fast enough, does it count as aerobic exercise?

Nurses are IV leaguers.

If an optimist had his left arm chewed off by an alligator, he might say, in a pleasant and hopeful voice, "Well, this isn't too bad. I don't have my left arm anymore, but at least nobody will ever ask me whether I am right-handed or left-handed," but most of us would say something more along the lines of "Aaaaah! My arm! My arm!"

...fry me an optimist for breakfast.