Quotes About Humor

Dude, estoy aqui por loco, no por pendejo, which was the punch line to the funniest Spanish joke I knew. Okay, the only one. Google it.

Not even PEBKAC this time," Van said. Problem Exists Between Keyboard and Chair.

You want a burrito? I asked. Is that a question or a statement of the obvious? Neither. It's an order.

I love zombies. If any monster could Riverdance, it would be zombies.

Everything I think of now is too rude to actually say.

You gotta laugh because if you didn't you'd cry

Thanks cows. I appreciate your tastiness.

Twas the night before Thanksgiving. All the food's in the oven. And I'm in the bedroom performin' self lovin'.

I don't just like sexual double entendres I love them, I stroke them, I milk them, I spank them when they're naughty.

When in doubt about who's to blame. Blame the English.

I don't know what the exact physical dynamics are that cause a shower curtain to attach itself to your body when you turn on the water but, since my shower was surrounded on all sides by curtains, I turned on the water and became a vinyl, vacuum-sealed sheriff burrito.

There are only three major vote getting days in Absoroka County, and I can't remember the other two. Oh God, no. It's Pancake Day. I thought about shooting myself. I could see the headlines: Sheriff shoots self, unable to face pancakes.

Yea, verily, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of deah, I will live forever. If I don't, I sure as hell won't become an unattended death in the state of Wyoming with sheep shit all over me. - Walt Longmire

There's an old joke about a skydiver who's blown off course and ends up landing in a tree, dangling above the ground. After awhile someone walks by and the skydiver asks where he is. The passerby answers, "You're about 20 feet off the ground." The skydiver replies "You must be a software analyst." "You're right. How did you know?" asks the passerby. "Because what you told me was 100 percent accurate, but completely worthless.

Does this look like a dragon who would poo in a helmet???

Toothless crossed his eyes and made a gulping noise with his throat as if he was swallowing ... AAAAAAARGH! screamed Hiccup. Toothless spat Ziggerastica onto the floor. Only j-j-joking, he said.

Once I had asked, 'But are you a Democrat or a Republican?" and Jonathan said, "I'm socially progressive but fiscally conservative," and Doug Miles, a football player who also came to Sunday breakfast but only ever read the sports section and ignored everyone, lifted his head and said, "Is that like being bisexual?" Which I actually thought was funny, even though I was pretty sure Doug was a jerk.

I think my mother found her mother-in-law entertaining, and in a person who entertains us, there is much we forgive.

You know the advice about how you should always play tennis with people better than you? When I'm talking to you, I'm a funnier and smarter version of myself because you're funny and smart.

Only part you have to apologize for is getting me all horned up and then passing out, but I'll take a rain check

I knew all this, I understood the rules, but still, nothing broke my heart like the slow death of a shared joke that had once seemed genuinely funny.

Right? Because hot eventually gets boring, but funny never does.

Mr. Bennet stood, dropping his napkin on the table. "As interesting as I find this conversation, an urgent matter has come up. I need a hamburger.

They laughed, and they started making steak for dinner, or sausage, although, because of the kind of people they were (insufferable people, Nell thinks now), it had to be grass-fed or free-range or organic. And not too frequent.