Quotes About Humor

One day someone called the Institute and asked to speak to a particular dean. When his secretary said that the dean wasn't available, the caller hesitantly asked for Einstein's home address. That was not possible to give out, he was informed. The caller's voice then dropped to a whisper. "Please don't tell anybody," he said, "but I am Dr. Einstein, I'm on my way home, and I've forgotten where my house is."40

One day ladies will take their computers for walks in the park and tell each other 'My little computer said such a funny thing this morning!' " he japed in 1951.

Nothing kills humor like a general and boring truth.

old physicist joke: they knew that the approach worked in practice, but could they make it work in theory?

simply enjoy giving more than receiving in every respect, do not take myself nor the doings of the masses seriously, am not ashamed of my weaknesses and vices, and naturally take things as they come with equanimity and humor.

He was known to leave behind clothes, and sometimes even his suitcase, when he traveled, and his inability to remember his keys became a running joke with his landlady. He once visited the home of family friends and, he recalled, "I left forgetting my suitcase. My host said to my parents, 'That man will never amount to anything because he can't remember anything.

There's a time to wink as well as to see 

Kit [Carson Kitteridge] watched me for a few moments before saying, That was some impressive killing you did. Naked too. I hope I didn't embarrass Office Palmer. She said that after all she heard about you she thought your johnson would be bigger. Tell her that the air conditioner was on.

A horse that can count to ten is a remarkable horse—not a remarkable mathematician.

A line from Bobby Bare's country song explains what too often happens with acquisitions: "I've never gone to bed with an ugly woman, but I've sure woke up with a few.

Cheap! But not as cheap as your girlfriend.

You know what this is? - Nope - It's a bowel disruptor. And you are just full of shit.

You want to go out to dinner sometime? Sorry, no. I'm married, not hungry, infected with seven unknown diseases, gay, pregnant with lizards and clinically dead.

Being a nun wasn't all it was cracked up to be and the sex was shit.

Jim Rosato was recently married, to a Greek nurse. Rosato was half Irish and half Italian, and there was a pool on at the 1st as to which of the two would arrive at work wearing the other's skin as a hat within the year.

Look at a Segway and tell me it's not the world's shittiest witch's broomstick. We only wanted jetpacks because we couldn't make magic carpets work.

Spider Jerusalem: You want to go out to dinner sometime? Hannah Enkidu: Sorry, no. I'm married, not hungry,infected with seven unknown diseases, gay, pregnant with lizards and clinically dead.

There are many good reasons for drinking, and one's just entered my head: If you don't drink when you're living, how the fuck can you drink when you're dead?

Big old fat naked naked dead guy flopped over a vacuum cleaner that was still chewing on his dick. This is my life, Trix.

I'm clearly insane. I'm threatening your life with a toothbrush

Don't take life seriously because you can't come out of it alive.

Hey Dad, will you buy me a flame thrower? Of course not. Don't be silly. Even if I didn't use it in the house?

If you think that the Truth can be known From words, If you think that the Sun and the Ocean Can pass through that tiny opening called the mouth. O someone should start laughing! Someone should start wildly laughing— Now!

I don't think we've researched the importance of laughter enough, how good it feels to laugh and how therapeutic it is to be able to laugh at ourselves and others and not take life so seriously