Quotes About Humor

Lucy was using my blanket to dry the dishes... We now have very secure dishes!

Happiness does not create humor. There's nothing funny about being happy. Sadness creates humor. Krazy Kat getting hit on the head by a brick from Ignatz Mouse is funny. All the sad things happening to Charlie Chaplin are funny. It's funny because it's not happening to us.

I proved to you that psychiatry is an exact science!" "An exact science?!" "Yes, you owe me exactly one hundred and forty-three dollars!

Though her husband often went on business trips, she hated to be left alone. "I've solved your problem," he said. "I've bought you a St. Bernard. Its name is Great Reluctance. Now, when I go away, you shall know that I am leaving you with Great Reluctance!" She hit him with a waffle iron.

Charlie Brown got hit with a line-drive!" "Does anyone here know anything about first-aid?" "It's probably not serious... Second or third-aid will do.

See the valentine I made for Linus? On the inside, I wrote, To my sweet babboo." "He says he's not your sweet babboo." "What does he know?

Oh yes, I'm at my happiest when I have a good idea and I'm drawing it well, and it comes out well and somebody laughs at it.

Cartooning will destroy you; it will break your heart.

Rats! Sometimes it's very difficult being a dog... Especially when it's raining. You're looking forward to a great breakfast... When it arrives, you're full of joyful anticipation... Then you see the water rise in your dog dish... And you watch your pancakes float downstream!

I think I know what's wrong with you... Walk up onto that pitcher's mound... Does your stomach hurt now?" "Yes! Ow! Ooo! Yes!" "All right, now come down off the mound... There... Has it stopped hurting?" "Yes... Yes, I think it has!" "There's your trouble... Five cents, please!

a little offending never hurt anybody

Ten milligrams equals one centigram. Ten decigrams equals one gram. Ten grams equals one grampa." "Keep going... I can hardly wait to see what comes next...

Sometimes I ask myself questions... Sometimes I ask myself, is this your real life or is this just a pilot film? Is my life a thirty-nine week series or is it a special?" "Whatever it is, your ratings are down... Five cents, please!

Hello? Oh, nothing... Just sort of hanging around... My brother? He's right here... He's reading... He's always reading... He has no life of his own, and he's a very boring person so he reads a lot... What's he reading? I don't know... She wants to know what you're reading..." "How to survive living in the same family with an annoying sister." "Ivanhoe.

There's our excuse... we'll blame everything on the round-headed kid!

Shermy: Men are better than women! Patty: They are not!! Shermy: Washington was a man! Jefferson was a man! Lincoln was a man! Patty: Your mother is a woman!! Shermy: You got me!

Tell me what you'll do if you're captured by the coyotes... Well, that might work, but does your mother live near here?

Marcie mi sta facendo un costume, Snoopy. Adesso è solo questione che io e te ci occupiamo del mio pattinaggio in modo che possa far bene nella gara... Come sono le mie figure? BLEAH!! Non sei un grande addolcitore di pillole, vero?

Il re Luigi II? Beh, sottraendo Luigi XIV da Luigi XVI, si ha Luigi II! Ah, no? Diavolo! Mi pareva una risposta niente male!

If you are a person who looks at the funny side of things, then sometimes when you are lowest, when everything seems totally hopeless, you will come up with some of your best ideas. Happiness does not create humor. There's nothing funny about being happy. Sadness creates humor.

Necks hate to exercise. If necks were feet, You'd never go anywhere.

Injury was aggravated by insult, and insult was embittered by pleasantry.

It's so dry the trees are bribing the dogs.

Brilliant? Ha! Your about as bright as a black hole!' Ellen resorted.