Quotes About Humor

I regard everything with irony, including the face I see in the mirror when I wake up in the morning.

Honestly some folk will take offence at anything, I met a bloke with no legs this morning while at the bus stop, all I asked was "How are you getting on?"

Whatever doesn't kill you, makes you watch a lot of Cartoon Network and drink mid-price Chardonnay at 11 in the morning.

That old saw about the early bird just proves that the worm should have stayed in bed.

Swallow a toad in the morning and you will encounter nothing more disgusting the rest of the day.

Every morning I hear the alarm, it's like "BEEP BEEP BEEP" For second I'm like, "I could get used to that, just dream I'm in a techno club, or something."

It's hard being Thom Yorke. You have to get up every morning and look at that face and not shoot at it with a gun.

[on the BMW X3] If you are clinically insane, by which I mean you wake up in the morning and think you are an onion, here's your car.

This morning I was laughing at my cat who was running up the stairs and slipped, and pretended like it didn't happen.

John Travolta, who said, My Saturday night fever was nothing compared to my Sunday morning rash. Never got a dinner!

Now that I'm 60, every morning I look in the mirror and say, "I don't know who you are, stranger, but I'm gonna shave you anyway".

I always take my wife morning tea in my pyjamas. But is she grateful? No, she says she'd rather have it in a cup.

Pumpkin spice lattes are egg nog for morning people.

Some of those more out-there jokes were written in the wee hours of the morning. Somehow, they remained funny the next day.

What? Sunday morning in an English family and no sausages? God bless my soul, what's the world coming to, eh?

When you walk up five flights of stairs at four in the morning, there's definitely a hooker involved.

Dear me. Such harsh truths so early in the morning cannot be good for the digestion.

D'Artagnan: Why is Athos sitting by himself? Aramis: He takes his drinking very seriously. Not to worry, he'll be his usual charming self by morning.

I feel sorry for James Blunt, he has to wake up every morning and think 'Oh my God, I'm James Blunt, what have I done?'

This morning I shot six holes in my freezer. I think I've got cabin fever.

How can I have morning sickness when I don't get up till noon?

I may be forty, but every morning when I get up, I feel like a twenty-year-old. Unfortunately, there's never one around.

Do we carry rich people on our flights? Yes, I flew on one this morning and I'm very rich.

It's two o'clock in the morning, they're not going to get any nooky anyway, so this one guy and the guy with the t-shirt guy started sniffing the girls panties.