Quotes About Humor

I don't think I've ever been critical of the money Douglas Adams makes, especially since, as has been tactfully pointed out, I myself have had to change banks having filled the first one up.

There is much money given to be laughed at, though the purchasers don't know it; witness A.'s fine horse, and B.'s fine house.

I finally accepted Jesus. not as my personal savior, but as a man I intend to borrow money from.

People say, "Do you know how much a million dollars is?" I don't have a clue. How many Big Macs will it buy me?

Newt Gingrich's campaign is broke. All the money gone. So now he's charging $50 for a photo. And for $100 you can marry him.

And it's very, very funny When you've lots and lots of money To be horrible to those with none! Be horrible to those with none!

No parents. You have Uncle Jesse, forever in overalls. Then there's Bo and Duke. What do they do? I never saw them working for food or gas money. You can only kill so many possum.

Mothers-in-law do not make good house pets. Once I had the most wonderful dream -- I dreamed that mothers-in-law cost money and I couldn't afford one.

She knows how to hang on to my money. I wish her mom were the same way.

I used to be a virgin, but I gave it up because there was no money in it.

My cousin just got married for the totally wrong reasons. She married a man for money. She wasn't real subtle about it. Instead of calling him her fiancé, she kept calling him her financee.

You tell me another gang that's got a dental plan.

I don't think so. Anyways, I don't spend money. My wife spends money...sorry wife.

Wouldn't it be great if all of Osama bin Laden's money was tied up in Enron stock?

One day a guy tried to rob me on the street, and I had no money. So I charged him.

Yes, the fans are going to get their money's worth. It's like...and everything on there is funny. It's not like random crap they put in a movie. I think it's all very funny, so.

Jordan ran the London marathon to help raise money for the blind. After jogging that far with her body, I'm surprised she hasn't joined them!

All right, let's not panic. I'll make the money by selling one of my livers. I can get by with one.

The best way to ruin a comedy is to throw a lot of money at it.

Sophisticated people invest their money in stock portfolios. Rednecks invest their money in commemorative plates.

With Jerry Bruckheimer, you know you'll get your money's worth. You're getting huge action sequences, it's going to be funny, and you know it's going to look great.

There are seven natural openings in the head and body. A lawyer is the only human being with eight. The extra one is a slot to store money in, should his bank be unable to hold all of it.

Money makes a man laugh.

My Vegas act is how I make my money.