Quotes About Humor

Yes, my mom does keep making references to marriage, like all mothers do, but it's only in a lighter mood... she just jokes.

Being broke is a joke, I never found it funny / That's why I count my blessings / As much as I count my money...

I want to rob a bank with a BB gun. "Give me all your money or I will give you a dimple! I will be rich, you will be cute. We both win."

Little Boy Blue... he needed the money!

Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won't be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did

A fool and his money are soon elected.

They say money doesn't buy happiness. That phrase should end with 'just kidding'.

My grandfather always said, Don't watch your money, watch your health. So one day while I was watching my health, someone stole my money. It was my grandfather.

Will you marry me? Do you have any money? Answer the second question first.

& I'm all up all up all up in the bank with the funny face

I prefer a thief to a Congressman. A thief will take your money and be on his way, but a Congressman will stand there and bore you with the reasons why he took it.

I'll tell ya, my wife and I, we don't think alike. She donates money to the homeless, and I donate money to the topless!

What I really need is a woman who loves me for my money but doesn't understand math.

All my life's about is cracking up people and them cracking me up and trying not to think about dying. That doesn't cost very much money.

I started my own foundation. If you aren't familiar with it, it's called 'Febreezing the homeless.' Who would you rather give money to: a man that smells 4like liquiid garbage, or ocean breeze?

You fool! You're 30 cents away from having a quarter!

Dogs have no money. Isn't that amazing? They're broke their entire lives. But they get through. You know why dogs have no money? .. No Pockets.

Identical twins. I'm glad they're identical 'cause you save money on photographs. That's what I like. Yeah. Here's my little boy. I got another one just like it.

Don't give your money to the church. They should be giving their money to you.

Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.

If brains were money, you'd need to take out a loan to buy a cup of coffee.

My biggest problem in the big leagues is that I can't figure out how to spend forty-three dollars in meal money.

"If I had been on 'Bowling for Dollars,' I'd wind up owing them money."

As powerful as anyone may claim God to be, somehow he always needs money.