Quotes About Humor

I'm just not one of those naturally funny, relaxed actors who enjoy the spotlight and are so good at it.

If stakes and garlic were the top two things that could kill a vampire, ninth grade gym was a close third.

Morning, sunshine." Vlad blinked at her. "Morning, sulfuric acid." "Pardon me?" "Well, isn't it just kinda wrong to call a vampire 'sunshine'?

I drive well! Says who your mom? No actually, she won't even get in the car with me.

Don't you find any irony in a vampire sucking up?

She raised a sharp eyebrow at him. "Vlad, no offense, but look at you. If you're not a vampire, you're clearly the most anemic goth I've ever seen."... "We believed you. Because that's what friends do." pg267 October to Vlad

Let's go eat turkey before I beat the crap put of my cousin." The way he said it, Vlad wasn't sure if Henry wanted to eat instead of beating Joss to a pulp, or if he just didn't want to do it on an empty stomach.

You forgot my birthday, too." "And mine." The girls looked miserable. The King opened his mouth, then shut it. "Sir!" whined Lord Teddie. "You forgot my birthday, too!" Bramble gave a surprised laugh, then slapped her hand over her mouth, as though shocked at letting it out. The tension broke. The girls laughed sheepishly, and Lord Teddie beamed. He probably did not have many ladies think him funny. In fact, he probably got slapped by a lot of them.

You look pretty, as always," he said. Azalea grinned, deciding not to remind him that the last times he had seen her, she had been soaked, frozen, unconscious, and a torn mess of the undead.

Humor is the mechanism by which we sort out the gray area of what can and can't be said. A humorless society, community, or group of friends likely has large problemas lurking just beneath the surface.

How are you feeling?" he asked her. "Fine," she said curtly. "No more sickness?" "No." "You can still barely tell," he murmured. "Except that your breasts are larger." Christa swung around. "You are outrageous!" she charged him. He grinned, boyish and very appealing at that moment in his trousers and nothing more.

Day in and day out, you are pestered by Barney the Dinosaur, singing about how much everyone loves everyone else and demanding that you turn your frown upside down, in a voice so drippily emphatic that you might like to fashion a shiv out of your sippy cup and gut that purple menace where he stands.

Children laugh an average of three hundred or more times a day; adults laugh an average of five times a day. We have a lot of catching up to do.

There goes the world's wimpiest vampire.

Did you and dad eat the raw-violi I left in the fridge?" "Sort of. I mean, we considered eating it. It made its way onto the table. But we ended up having the rest of the rawkin' raw-sagna instead. (Rawkin' raw-sagna: a sorry excuse for a real lasagna made with uncooked squash slices, tomatoes, and cashew paste, and served on—what else?—Elvis dinner plates). I don't have the heart to tell her that dad chucked both dinners and ordered us a pizza.

What about Melissa?" I ask. "She's angry at you for ending things with her. Maybe this is her way of teaching you a lesson." "A total possibility. I'm definitely sweet and studly enough to drive a girl literally insane, wouldn't you say?" He flexes his biceps to be funny. "Can we please try to be serious here?

Better wash up," mom says. "We'll be eating in a few minutes." I glance toward her mixing bowl, in which she's blending something resembling Cat Chow. Dad grimaces at the sight of it. "What do you say, Camelia?" he says. "Maybe after dinner and I can head over to Flick-tastic to rent a couple videos?" Translation: Let's save ourselves from this swill by hitting the drive-through of Taco Bell.

Penis Maaaaan! Able to leap tall buildings … owing mostly to his profound motivation not to get snagged on a lightning rod.

I want a man as nice as my retarded dog, but one that doesn't crap on the floor.

There is a (slight) chance that I might be going to hell.

There are things running around out there with uteruses,son. You're going to need this.

knock, knock. who's there? it's cancer. cancer who? cancer of the section right behind your belly button that you have been trying to pass off as the pinch of ovulation. but it's not. it's cancer. it's me.

He said nothing. Very sarcastically.

Sometimes during Mercury Retro I think, "Huh. This ain't so bad." & then that little bitch planet slaps me and I'm all, "On second thought."