Quotes About Humor

I think romantic comedy, when done right, is my favorite genre. It's just a genre that's very human.

There's always an article coming out, saying, 'The new thing is funny women!'

I never sort of thought of myself as a comedy writer, by nature.

Stepping away from her husband, Marianna brushed Lauren's then Evan's cheek with kisses. "I'm going to put your father to bed before he gives everyone a raise.""I've got a raise for you all right."Marianna gasped "Joseph" at the same time Lauren squeaked "Dad", much to Joseph's amusement. With a shake of her head, her mother grabbed her father by the hand and led him away like a wayward little boy.

The idea of beetles came into my head. I decided to spell it BEATles to make it look like beat music, just a joke.

That's part of our policy, is not to be taken seriously, because I think our opposition, whoever they may be, in all their manifest forms, don't know how to handle humor. You know, and we are humorous, we are, what are they, Laurel and Hardy. That's John and Yoko, and we stand a better chance under that guise, because all the serious people, like Martin Luther King, and Kennedy, and Gandhi, got shot.

I learned lots of dirty jokes very young. There was this girl who told me them. The gang I led went in for shoplifting and pulling girls' knickers down. Other boys' parents hated me.

I won't say ours was a tough school, but we had our own coroner. We used to write essays like: What I'm Going to be If I Grow Up.

The only honest art form is laughter.

Nobody can offend you by telling a dirty toilet story. They can offend you because it's trite; you've heard it many, many times.

The role of a comedian is to make the audience laugh, at a minimum of once every fifteen seconds.

All my humor is based upon destruction and despair. If the whole world were tranquil, without disease and violence, I'd be standing on the breadline right in back of J. Edgar Hoover.

There's a thin line between to laugh with and to laugh at.

People should be taught what is, not what should be. All my humor is based on destruction and despair. If the whole world were tranquil, without disease and violence, I'd be standing in the breadline.

A lot of people say to me, Why did you kill Christ? I dunno... it was one of those parties, got out of hand, you know. We killed him because he didn't want to become a doctor, that's why we killed him.

The only honest art form is laughter, comedy. You can't fake it... try to fake three laughs in an hour -- ha ha ha ha ha -- they'll take you away, man. You can't.

Marriage is grand. Divorce is about twenty grand.

For the first time ever, women are scoring higher than men on IQ tests. Scientists say it has something to do with breast implants -- not that it makes the women smarter, it just makes the men dumber.

I had a dog that was so lazy, he had a prerecorded bark.

Starbuck's is going to start selling instant coffee. This is for people who want the quality of Sanka, but want to pay the high Starbuck's price.

I feel bad for people who die on Valentine's Day. How much would flowers cost then? Ten grand?

I was in the ROTC. Of course, ROTC stood for "Running off to Canada".

It's a secret code," said Calvin. "Girls are not not like boys. If a boy wants to kill you, he says 'I'm going to kill you.' If a girl wants to kill you, she says, 'We need to talk.' That's the code." I gasped. "Has a girl ever wanted to talk to you?" I asked. "Yup," said Calvin. "How come you're still alive?" I asked. "I vomited," said Calvin.

Humor is, I think, the subtlest and chanciest of literary forms. It is surely not accidental that there are a thousand novelists, essayists, poets or journalists for each humorist. It is a long, long time between James Thurbers.