Quotes About Humor

lately is has become more and more difficult to attend dinner parties without the evening ending in gunfire or tapioca...

Yes,' she said, in a faraway voice, 'he was my husband, but he was much more than that. He was my best friend, my partner in grammar, and the only person I knew who could whistle with crackers in his mouth.

What kind of funny?" I asked her. "Funny like a clown onstage? Or funny like a clown hanging around the entrance to a bank?" -"The bank one.

Don't be a smart aleck," Hungry said. "But it cheers me up," I said.

I found myself facing a man and a woman who looked so much alike, they could only be twins, or two people who had been married for a very long time. They both had pear-shaped bodies with short, thick legs and grumpy-looking arms, and it looked like they had both tried on heads that were too small for them, and were about to ask the head clerk for a larger size.

No, no,' Phil Said. 'It's fine. I've never liked my left leg so much, anyways.

Sunny did not reply, but her siblings were not alarmed because they imagined it was difficult to say much when you had a mouthful of wall.

If you are a baby, your family will sere you in your underwear many times, and there's no use being embarrassed about it

A wonderful laugh is no excuse for villainous behavior!

Triplets are when four babies are born at the same time, and there are only two Quagmires.

I give up," Mr. Poe said, and coughed into his handkerchief. "Five hundred is too much to pay for a big herring statue.

but Phil looked up and gave them a weak smile. "Well," he said, "this isn't too bad. My left leg is broken, but at least I'm right-legged. That's pretty fortunate." "Gee," one of the other employees murmured. "I thought he'd say something more along the lines of 'Aaaaah! My leg! My leg!

It is always cruel to laugh at people, of course, although sometimes if they are wearing an ugly hat it is hard to control yourself. But

I saw a woman wearing suspicious lettuce!

You might compare your pimple situation to that of someone who was being eaten by a bear, and when you looked in the mirror at your ugly pimple, you could say to yourself, "Well, at least I'm not being eaten by a bear.

Hee hee hee!" Nero said. "You children are like three clowns!" "Ho ho ho!" Count Olaf said. "Ha ha ha!" Violet said, who was beginning to feel queasy from faking all this laughter.

You could make anything boring, Mimi! You're like a magic wand of boring!" "Well, you're like a magic wand of bad breath!" "I get bad breath because I eat what you cook!

There is a pair of snakes who have learned to drive a car so recklessly that they would run you over in the street and never stop to apologize. But

Goo goo," Sunny said, which meant something along the lines of "I'm going to pretend I'm a helpless baby, instead of answering your question.

If an optimist had his left arm chewed off by an alligator, he might say in a pleasant and hopeful voice, "Well this isn't too bad, I don't have a left arm anymore but at least nobody will ever ask me if I'm left-handed or right-handed," but most of us would say something more along the lines of, "Aaaaaa! My arm! My arm!

rather split his trousers than an infinitive.

I've been taking things too seriously for years,' I said. 'I'm afraid it makes me a difficult man to live with. But I've stayed alive, sweetheart. And that means a lot to me.

Do you ever make silly mistakes? It is one of my very few creative activities.

When they ask me to become president of the United States I'm going to say, "Except for Washington D.C.