Quotes About Humor

The mother-in-law came round last week. It was absolutely pouring down. So I opened the door and I saw her there and I said, 'Mother, don't just stand there in the rain. Go home.'

There's something wrong with a mother who washes out a measuring cup with soap and water after she's only measured water in it.

My mother tried to kill me when I was a baby. She denied it. She said she thought the plastic bag would keep me fresh.

I've just had some bad news. Tomorrow is the mother in law's funeral. And she's cancelled it.

Everything has its drawbacks, as the man said when his mother-in-law died, and they came down upon him for the funeral expenses.

My mother's greatest joy in life was to make people laugh. Although that is difficult to do right now, I know her final wish would be that we return to laughing soon.

Heard about the young deaf boy who used sign language-One day he told his mother a dirty joke and she washed his hands out with soap

The mother-in-law is the centre of a family.

I wanted to do something nice so I bought my mother-in-law a chair. Now they won't let me plug it in.

I'm often accused of saying some pretty rotten things about my mother-in-law. But quite honestly, she's only got one major fault - it's called breathing.

My daughter teases me once in a while saying, Remember when you used to be my mother and you had black hair?

By the age of six or seven, I was already doing voices and faces, making my friends and my mother laugh.

Be funny on a golf course? Do I kid my best friend's mother about her heart condition?

When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.

The wife's Mother said, 'When you're dead, I'll dance in your grave.' I said: 'Good, I'm being buried at sea'.

I was the world's ugliest baby. I have photos of my folks leaving the hospital with sacks over their heads... I asked my mother how to turn off the electric fan. She said 'Grab the blade!

If you ever become a mother, can I have one of the puppies?

My mother always used to say: 'The older you get, the better you get, unless you're a banana.'

I bought my mother-in-law a beautiful chair for Christmas, but she won't let me plug it in.

Steven Spielberg's mother, who said to E.T., I don't care where you're from, you're here and you're gonna get bar mitzvahed! Never got a dinner!

My mother is very short - four-eleven. She could walk under tables and never hit her head.

Sometimes my mother goes through my socks and underwear. I wouldn't mind, but it tickles so much!

I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.

When I was young, I learned very early on that I could make my mother laugh. And that was one of the greatest sounds I ever heard.