Quotes About Humor

My father invented a cure for which there was no disease and unfortunately my mother caught it and died of it.

As my mother once said: The boys throw stones at the frog in jest. But the frogs die in earnest.

Have I got a mother-in-law. She's so neat she puts paper under the cuckoo clock.

They say the definition of ambivalence is watching your mother-in-law drive over a cliff in your new Cadillac.

I told my mother-in-law my house is your house. So she sold it.

I'm not saying my mother-in-law is fat - because she is of reasonable size, and I care about her and her self-image.

Did your mother never tell you not to drink on an empty head?

I'm not saying my mother didn't like me, but she kept looking for loopholes in my birth certificate.

When we weren't scratching each other's eyes out, we were making each other laugh harder than anyone else could.

Your Mother was A Hamster and you Father Smelled of elder berries.

I can't say I really see much difference between my son and daughters except that my girls will occasionally make me a sandwich and my son won't.

I should, many a good day, have blown my brains out, but for the recollection that it would have given pleasure to my mother-in-law.

My mother-in-law was so mean she blinded herself just to get a free dog.

My mother always told me growing up I had a punchable face. Little did I know she was predicting my television career.

Sometimes I'm afraid that my daughter might think that I get my hair done for a living.

I took my mother-in-law to Madame Tussaud's Chamber of Horrors, and one of the attendants said: 'Keep her moving sir; we're stock-taking.'

Robert Walker as Bruno was excellent. He had elegance and humor, and the proper fondness for his mother

I was Hannah Montana's mother ... Where did I go wrong?

My mother always said you could eat off her floor; you could eat of my floor too, there's so much food down there.

A mother-in-law is better than a single and childless political persona, though.

Freud: If it's not one thing, it's your mother

Even today, well-brought-up English girls are taught by their mothers to boil all veggies for at least a month and a half, just in case one of the dinner guests turns up without his teeth.

Pakistan is the sort of place every man should send his mother-in-law, for a month, with all expenses paid.

Yet you would not drive a car with your mouth unless you are my mother-in-law.