Quotes About Humor

The awe and dread with which the untutored savage contemplates his mother-in-law are amongst the most familiar facts of anthropology.

Yes, men are pigs. Except your brother, of course. He's actually a decent human being. Almost a woman. -Jillian's mother

As I examine my life through this book, I can't help but wonder if my mother was right. Maybe I really was what I ate. And maybe if she'd let me eat a little more sugar, I'd have come out sweeter.

So why in the name of Merlin's saggy left —" "Don't talk to your mother like that.

I love in Notting Hill. You live in Beverly Hills. Everyone in the world knows who you are. My mother has trouble remembering my name.

Actually, the reason I look like this is because my father was from Sweden and my mother was Elton John.

Any man that has had a mother, has a sister, wants to be a father will find this [movie Bad Moms] incredibly eye opening and hysterical and funny.

I've never hit a woman in my life. Not even my own mother.

People often ask me when there's going to be a Mrs. Zach Braff. It's a confusing question sometimes because many people don't realize that my mother is named Mrs. Zach Braff.

Captain Hook's mother, who said to Little Hook, For God sakes, don't scratch it! Never got a dinner!

Mother Goose is on the loose, stealing lines from Lenny Bruce.

Can't this thing go any faster?" Thalia demanded. Zoe glared at her. "I cannot control traffic." You both sound like my mother," I said. Shut up!" they both said in union.

My mother wasn?t sleeping with anybody. She doesn?t even sleep with my father.

He had even read Pride and Prejudice--although he had thought that many of the heroine's problems would have been solved if someone had simply strangled her mother.

I rang my mother to thank her for giving birth to me and she said, "What choice had I? You were in there, how else were you going to get out?

My mother's greatest joy in life was to make people laugh.

On Valentine's Day, I wired flowers for my mother-in-law, but she found the fuse.

I bought an ideal gift for my mother-in-law - a battery-operated mouth.

My mother made us eat all sorts of vitamins and supplements, until one day I nearly choked on part of The Sunday Times.

Anything that makes your mother cry is fun

Mothers don't want to pinch me or put me in their purse.

I don't have a bank account because I don't know my mother's maiden name and apparently that's the key to the whole thing right there. I go in every few weeks and guess.

I can still hear my mother wailing over some new kitchen crisis, "Oh God," and my father answering cozily from the silo, "Were you calling me, dear?

My mother hated me. Once she took me to an orphanage and told me to mingle