Quotes About Humor

I learned to play the piano on my mother's knee - that was before we got a piano.

It's my real name. My mother's name is Rose Rock. It was the worst name as a kid to have. They called me Piece of the Rock, Plymouth Rock, Joe Rockid, and Flintstones. Now they call me Mister Rock.

Courtney Love is really cool and funny. I would like to meet Julia Roberts and Cameron Diaz. I think I could play their daughters.

My mother-in-law's so fat that when she passes her handbag from hand to hand she throws it.

My mother-in-law had to stop skipping for exercise. It registered seven on the Richter scale.

My mother-in-law has so many wrinkles, when she smiles she looks like a Venetian blind.

I did what all good Iriah dads do when faced with a worthy adversary..I said Ask your mother!!

My wife said, 'Can my mother come down for the weekend?' So I said, 'Why?' And she said, 'Well, she's been up on the roof two weeks already.'

Bill Clinton may in fact be moving back into the White House. And coincidentally I'm thinking about moving back into my mother's house.

I got my first laugh when my mother entered me in a baby contest.

I was born on the kitchen table. We were so poor my mother couldn't afford to have me; the lady next door gave birth to me.

The joke used to be that in every Indian home, there is the mother, father, children, grandparents, and the anthropologist.

I get no respect... I tell you, when I was born, the doctor smacked my mother

My mother used to say, "When you can learn to laugh at yourself, a lot of healing comes from that."

My mother was the worst cook ever. In school, when we traded lunches, I had to throw in an article of clothing.

"And tired" always followed sick. Worst beating I ever got in my life, my mother said, "I am just sick..." And I said, "And tired." I don't remember anything after that.

My mother was always the one with the dark, really filthy sense of humor. She was a vulgar woman. She used to tell me to do comedy before I even tried it. She was always up for any gag.

My father was an electrical engineer who worked at Westinghouse in Pittsburgh. When I was growing up, my mother wrote humor columns for the local paper. She was the Erma Bombeck of Murrysville, Pa.

My mother was sarcastic and delightful and, trust me, quite remarkable.

My mother was a terrific force in my life. Wartime-generation woman, hadn't gone to university but should have done. Was very funny, very verbal, very clever, very witty.

Like I said on my bio on my webpage, I was born at an early age, I was close to my mother.

Daddy,' my mother asked, 'aren't we going to run out of gas?' No there's plenty of god-damned gas.' Where are we going?' I'm going to get some god-damed oranges!

Oh my God — I'm turning into my mother!

Yes, I slouch. My mother tells me that.