Quotes About Humor

I'd love to slit my mother-in-law's corsets and watch her spread to death.

All I ever learned at my mother's knee was what a bony knee looked like.

Holy mother!" "Hmph. More like holy father. I'd think you'd know the difference." -Hephaetus

My mum is about five foot with her hair done. Without it she's about four foot 10.

My mother was very funny. My dad had a great sense of humor. My grandmother, too.

Tell me what you'll do if you're captured by the coyotes... Well, that might work, but does your mother live near here?

My family is pretty funny. My mother is British, so she's got a very dry sense of humor. That's where I got that from.

Somebody ripped their pants open at my wedding, dipping my mother. My mother is not a lady who throws herself into a dip that often, so I don't think he thought she was really going to do it.

A wise man can play the part of a clown, but a clown can't play the part of a wise man.

The problem with cats is that they get the exact same look on their face whether they see a moth or an axe-murderer.

If one can't be happy, one must be amused.

My tombstone? I'm thinking something along the lines of, 'Geez, he was just here a minute ago.'

During job interviews, when they ask: 'What is your worst quality?', I always say: 'Flatulence'. That way I get my own office.

I could have been a Rhodes Scholar, except for my grades.

A man without mirth is like wagon without springs, in which one is caused disagreeably to jolt by every pebble over which it turns.

I'm glad the universe is pointless. It means if I get to the end of my life, the universe can't turn to me and go, 'What have you been doing, you idiot? That's not the point!

Laugh a lot. Laughter will make even the dreariest situations a whole lot more enjoyable.

Sometimes, to relieve stress, he would soak his feet in the toilet, a practice that was not as soothing for his collegues.

Tragedy is actually untimely comedy

laughter is the best medicine in life, chocolate is the substitute!

You can't fool me. There ain't no Sanity Clause!

I like people who love books and movies and art and want to talk about it all the time, because that's basically what I want to talk about. Intellectuals that are funny.

I like to watch French movies with the volume up so my neighbors could think I'm terrorist.

I don't like zombie movies, they're just plain silly.