Quotes About Humor

Hell, bravery didn't have anything to do with it. I was shitfaced.

He pulled his nose out of her cleavage and turned to me. "Gaylord Brown," he said. "It's the perfect name because I'm gay and I'm brown.

She's a silly old lady,' my mother said. 'You could be a good Christian and turn the other cheek.' 'I'm a plenty good Christian,' Grandma said, 'but I got it on good authority that God wants me to get Bella for Him.

Holy Mary, mother of God," my mother said. "You were being chased by Richard Nixon, Bill Clinton, and a rabbit.

We ran to the bedroom and found Gloria pumping half a clip into a picture of her ex-husband. She dropped the gun onto the floor, turned, and mooned the picture and farted. Lula and I took a step back. "Sorry," Gloria said. "I get gas when I eat too much sugar.

What is it with men and gazongas? It's not like women got a nut fixation. It's not like we go around looking for some guy with basketballs hangin' down to his knees.

You're no David Niven," Lula

Stand back. I'm going to give the eye.' Grandma pulled a .45 long barrel out of her black patent leather purse and pointed it at Bella. 'You put your finger to your eye and I'll put a hole in your head that's so big you could push a potato through it.

I'm not sure why I'm still working for Vinnie, except that the office is across from a bakery.

So much for the sexy moment, I thought. Saved by monkey gas.

My cooter falls asleep when I ride a bike.

My grandmother likes you. My mother worries that you might be related to Satan.

Lula and Grandma did a complicated high five.

I'm not driving you anymore," Lula said to me. "Every time I take you somewhere, people shoot at us." "Not every time.

Good thing," Lula said. "If California found out a guy got killed with an iron, they'd ban them, and all those movie stars would be wrinkled all the time.

I could be wrong here," Lula said, "but I think you're dumb as a box of rocks.

I could be wrong here," Lula said, "but I think you're dumb as a box of rocks." "Sticks and stones," Cal said.

Lucille has me going to Sex Addicts Anonymous.' 'How's that working for you?' Lula asked. 'It's a nightmare. I go there, and I'm in a room filled with perverts. It's like being in a bakery where everything is free and you can't eat anything.

letting my skirt ride up to a couple inches below my doo-dah

Order me something without dairy or tomatoes or gluten," Potts said. "That would be the paper napkins

I wrinkled my nose. "What is that smell? Oh God, I didn't mess myself, did I?

Grandma was in her mid-seventies and didn't look a day over ninety.

I'm only getting one doughnut," Lula said, getting out of the Firebird. "I'm on a new diet where I only have one of anything. Like I can have one pea. And I can have one piece of asparagus. And I can have one loaf of bread.

How about we cut a hole in your bedspread and punch your head through it," Lula said. "That should be about your size.