Quotes About Humor

He had his hand in your pants and he kissed you," Lula said. "I'm wetting myself.

THREE TO GET DEADLY

That's how hospitals get you. You go in to visit and before you know it they got a camera stuck up your butt and they're lookin' to find poloponies.

Do I look like I'm dressed for a snake jamboree? I don't think so.

Like I said before, kids were okay from a distance, but I didn't think they'd ever replace hamsters.

She's lived with my parents since Grandpa Mazur took the big escalator to the heavenly food court in the sky.

Where's my candy bar?" Lula asked. "I don't have

I would have graduated higher, but I flunked gravy.

I exchanged glances with my mother and Grandma. None of us wanted to tell my father about the contract on Grandma. "Mistaken identity," I said. "Prank," my mother said. "Damn aliens," Grandma said.

I can't help it. I'm just a big gasbag. I still got leftover barbecue gas." She squeezed her eyes shut tight and did a full minute-long fart. "Excuse me," she said.

Dear Lord,' Lula said, 'Bless this disgusting, swelled-up groundhog and take him into the Kingdom of Heaven or wherever it is that dead groundhogs are supposed to go. Amen.' We both made the sign of the cross. 'I would have said more, but I didn't really know the deceased,' Lula said.

I graduated J&W in the top ninety-three percent of my class, and I would have graduated higher, but I flunked gravy. My gravy had lumps in it, and that pretty much sums up my life so far. Not that it's been all bad; more that it hasn't been entirely smooth.

Okay," she said. "I'll go with him, but you owe me. I want one of them five-gallon jugs of rice pudding when I come

I'm always amazed at how you never destroy my cars the same way twice. This one is especially clever the way it's impaled on the tree.

Janet Evanovich

When I was young, I got a lot of tattoos, and now they don't look so good. One time, I got drunk and got Eisenhower tattooed on my balls, but now he looks like Orville Redenbacher.

Babe, nothing's been happening in my bed, and no one's going to see your underpants in this meeting unless you go goofy.

Janet Evanovich

I have people trying to kill me. A giraffe is low on my list of disturbances.

Babe!" Ranger shouted from the bathroom. "Come get your grandmother.

I grew up with Morelli, lost my virginity to him, ran over him with my father's Buick in a fit of justifiable rage, and now years later he's my boyfriend.

I rolled my eyes so far into the back of my head I saw myself Thinking"- Stephanie Plum High Five

Honey, Half the women in NJ have sold him their cannolli -Conie to Stephanie about Joe Morelli (One for the money)

Here it is. You think you know someone and then next thing they tell you is that they want a Chihuahua named Chardonnay.