Quotes About Humor

Neutrinos have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic! Robert to Vittoria

If a hippo ever wants to fight, just walk away.

Newton's Third Law of Child Rearing: For every lunacy, there is an equal and opposite lunacy.'

Humor cannot be programmed…it must be learned.

call it—'Newton's Third Law of Child Rearing: For every lunacy, there is an equal and opposite lunacy.

He's teaching her arithmetic, He said it was his mission, He kissed her once and said, Now that's addition. And as he added smack by smack In silent satisfaction, She sweetly gave the kisses back and said, Now that's subtraction. Then he kissed her, she kissed him, Without an explanation, And both together smiled and said, That's multiplication. Then Dad appeared upon the scene and Made a quick decision. He kicked that kid three blocks away And said, That's long division!

If the president and the Vice President dies who becomes President Thats easy Arnold Swartzanager

Hey soda girl. You're flat.

ASSUME is to make an ASS of U and ME.

Socrates, how do I stop my thoughts, my mind - other than by developing a sense of humor? -First you need to understand where your thoughts come from, how they arise in the first place. For example, you have a cold now; Its physical symptoms tell you when your body needs to rebalance itself, to restore its proper relationship with sunlight, fresh air, simple food. Just so, Stressful thoughts reflect a conflict with reality. Stress happens when the mind resists what is.

And so I awoke to reality, free of any meaning or any search. What could there possibly be to search for? All of Soc's words had come alive with my death. This was the paradox of it all, the humor of it all, and the great change. All searches, all achievements, all goals, were equally enjoyable, and equally unnecessary.

The gyrfalcon Dan flew that day was a bird of the year who was just learning to hunt. When he brought her out, I shook my head at the size of her. She was massive; Dan had aptly named her Jabba the Hut. As with all falcons, female gyrfalcons are a third larger than the males. ... She thought that she was a person and treated Dan as her mate.This gave new meaning to the term henpecked.

Be assured, I do not suffer from a sense of humor.

Asshole cunt peepee fuck." "Ah," grinned Old Sludge, showing his one tooth, "going to the company store to get some algae chewies, huh?" "Goddamn poopoo," I would grin back at him.

But he had once told Watson that the "less or fewer" issue, along with the use of "I" in such sentences as "He gave the money to Sheila and I", inflicted on the public by people who considered themselves well-educated, could be drastically reduced in frequency—if not actually abolished—by a few well-aimed pistol shots and an explanatory note that would be pinned to the victims' chests.

Ah," grinned Old Sludge, showing his one tooth, "going to the company store to get some algae chewies, huh?" "Goddamn poopoo," I would grin back at him.

If we had some cheese, we could have a ham-and-cheese sandwich," replies Father Captain de Soya, "if we had some ham.

that winter was colder'n a crib full of witch's tits

Scrotum lifting tension

Where love is the case, the doctor's an ass

Strange to say, the English people were so pleased with this humorous sketch of themselves, that they bought eighty thousand copies of the work. Not often is a truth teller so rewarded.

Life is a comedy for those who think and a tragedy for those who feel.

Indeed, laughter may be the shortest distance between two brains, an unstoppable infectious spread that builds an instant social bond.

Una de las características principales de la autoconciencia es un sentido del humor autocrítico.