Quotes About Humor

Chestnuts in stuffing tastes like someone chewed up a tree branch and then French-kissed it into your mouth.

I'm not a cuckoo, either. I'm a fool is what.

lately it has become more and more difficult to attend dinner parties without the evening ending in gunfire or tapioca...

Ed, así éramos nosotros, Al y yo. Nunca lo entendiste y yo nunca te conté realmente cómo funcionaba. La madre de Al nos comparó una vez con un viejo matrimonio y se rió cuando Al dijo:Bueno, mamma, tú debes de saberlo.

I'm very happy for you guys. I heard my voice, so false it was all the statues could do to keep themselves from rolling their eyes.

It was like an apple running for Congress, a bike rack wearing a bathing suit.

P.S. please tel prof Nemur not to be such a grouch when pepul laff at him and he woud have more frends. Its easy to have frends if you let pepul laff at you. Im going to have lots of frends where I go. P.S. please if you get a chanse put some flowrs on Algernons grave in the bak yard.

I dint know they had majers in collidge. I thot it was onley in the army. Anyway

Its easy to have frends if you let pepul laff at you. Im going to have lots of frends where I go. PPS. please if you get a chanse put some flowrs on Algernons grave in the back yard.

Its easy to have frends if you let pepul laff at you. Im going to have lots of frends where I go.

We made it back to the airport without getting mugged, stoned, shot at, pounced on, bombed, shelled, garroted, gassed, pitched into, caught in a cross fire, sniped at, blockaded, napalmed, or trip-wired. No one even hit us with a water balloon.

But he liked to leave me laughing. This is how he wanted to remember me, and how he wanted to be remembered. Of all his great powers, this was perhaps his most extraordinary: at any time, at the drop of a hat, he could really break me up. T

Heard it," I say. "You were supposed to stop me," he says, clearly exhausted after the telling. "How many breaths do I have left? You don't want me to waste them on twice-told jokes, do you?

In a cruel and evil world, being cynical can allow you to get some entertainment out of it.

Yep those are goosebumps. Or a bad case of arm acne. Or as I call it, armcne.

Confidence is at the root of so many attractive qualities, a sense of humor, a sense of style, a willingness to be who you are no matter what anyone else might think or say and it's true, I do have a certain fondness for women that have dark hair.

When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car.

No family is complete without an embarrassing uncle.

I believe in large families: every woman should have at least three husbands.

I gave my father $100 and said, "Buy yourself something that will make your life easier." So he went out and bought a present for my mother.

"Oh, and this one time, at band camp, I stuck a flute in my pussy…"

When people ask me what is more important, food or love, I don't answer because I'm eating.

I want to change my name on Facebook to "Nobody," so when I see someone posting something stupid I can Like their post and it will say "Nobody likes this."

If I don't log into Facebook two days in a row, call the police, someone must've kidnapped me!