Quotes About Humor

I'm pushing 60 years of age...and that's enough exercise for me.

I'm at an age where my back goes out more than I do.

As one cat said to another: Birthdays are like fur balls - the more you have the more you gag.

She claims she just turned thirty but it must have been a U-turn!

She's not pushing forty she's dragging it.

What can you say when your husband says: 'You can't expect me to remember your birthday when you never look any older."

I stay away from natural foods. At my age I need all the preservatives I can get.

He's so old his social security number is two digits.

My notion of a wife at forty is that a man should be able to change her like a banknote for two twenties.

You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoes and wonder what else you can do while you're down there.

Try to accept each other for what you are and don't point out the fact that the hair he's losing on his head is now growing out of his nose - and his ears.

To what do you attribute your advanced age? Well I suppose I must attribute it to the fact that I have not died.

Life begins at fifty but so does bad eyesight arthritis and the habit of telling the same story three times to the same listeners.

There are three ages of man: youth middle age and "Gee you look good."

Never trust a man, who when left alone with a tea cosey... Doesn't try it on.

I don't know. I think it's funny! I think it's funny! I go, what? It's so absurd. I'm alone.

Let's leave it all alone. I'm stupidest when I try to be funny.

A man in a bookstore buys a book on loneliness and every woman in the store hits on him. A woman buys a book on loneliness and the store clears out.

Good comedy helps people know they're not alone. Great comedy provides an answer.

A great way to be left alone on the subway is to appear to be deep in conversation with a small knife.

My parents armed me with an amazing sense of humor, and it's what you need when, well, it's what anyone needs in this world.

Josh [Gad] does such an amazing job playing a lovable idiot. Not many people can do that, as convincingly as he can.

I may never let go of my wrath, my anger, but I will always have the last laugh.

One can't be angry when one looks at a penguin.